Gather round all ye peoples and read these inspired thoughts on the world around us.
Babies: Let us gather in prayer for the Repugnicant candidates for President. After their most recent televised debates, they were all up in arms about unfair and unorganized questioning on the part of the media. Such babies! Yet, they have a point. There does need to be stricter and more stringent questioning so the rest of us can see how each of these fine candidates will respond under pressure. Therefore, I have prayerfully asked that Brother Trey Gowdy and his Benghazi committee handle all future questioning for upcoming debates. Put the popcorn on the stove, Brothers and Sisters, it’s gonna get good!
Baseball: Lord deliver us from the evil of sports. Fine people all around the country have been diverted from their Christian duties to one another so that they may be glued to the TV for the World Series. I just couldn’t care less. But, since it’s over, let me say this. I hope Kansas City enjoys this temporal attention on their city. As far as I’m concerned the only Royals I give a rat’s behind about are the ones in Heaven, and I can attest, with all the Christian love I can muster, that the streets of KCMO are NOT paved with gold. Play ball!
Bieber: That little Satanic spawn, Justin Bieber, recently performed a concert in Oslo, Norway. According to reports, little Bieber left the stage after only ONE song. The people of Norway have been blessed beyond measure. Somebody say AMEN!
Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.