Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Planned Parenthood, Patriots & Peanuts

helen holy-12_02_15In the midst of a weekend of thankfulness, I have been on my knees about the following things. Join me in prayer, won’t you?

Planned Parenthood: As a Christian of the highest order, many would assume that I am rejoicing over the recent melee at Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs. That assumption would be incorrect. While I do not favor the act of abortion as a viable option to childbirth, I also do not favor the act of trading one kind of life termination for another. Moreover, attacking a Planned Parenthood Clinic because they may offer abortion services is like shooting up a Walmart Store because they kill the fashion sense of their shoppers. Plenty of other decent merchandise can be purchased besides clothing! However, in the midst of this carnage and violence, may the Lord show us that fundamentalism of ANY religion is a threat to peace on earth. Amen.

Patriots: As I’ve said many times before, I don’t ascribe to the ministry of football as earnestly as others in this country. However, I do make the occasional observation. Especially if an attractive quarterback is involved. I am prepared to bring comfort and consolation to Brother Tom Brady. His precious team ended their unbeaten winning streak at the hands of some snow-covered Broncos in Denver. A Bronco defeating a Patriot. Perhaps this is foreshadowing of the 2016 Presidential Election. A Donkey defeating a Tea Partier. But back to poor Tom. Apparently, it’s now not just his balls that are deflated, but his spirit as well. I shall therefore rise to the occasion and offer to blow the Holy Spirit back into him. It’s not about football, I’m just a Christian doing my duty. Hallelujah!

Peanuts: As we enter the season of Advent, let us reflect that the Gospel arrives in many shapes and forms. For the past 50 years, young children have heard the Good News at Christmas from the animated lips of Linus Van Pelt. Jazz music, a genre usually reserved for drunkards and harlots, underscored this timeless tale of the Christmas message. Even the worst Christmas trees are acceptable in homes today by simple saying that it was inspired by Charlie Brown. Thanks to the staying power of this blessed annual presentation, I can truly say that the Gospel of the Lord can be had by all peoples for only Peanuts. Glory!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.

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