Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Balls, Bisexuals & Bowie

helenholy-01_13_16This week, dear followers, I am tackling sin rampant in our world. And offering remembrance on a light gone out.

Balls: The sin of gambling has taken root in our country and millions of greedy Americans are in its branches. While it is true that I, as a Christian, am taking a gamble on morality every time I turn on my television, I prefer to call this a hedged bet in light of my affinity for Christian programming. Still, sinners lined up at 7-Eleven’s and cheap gas stations throwing their money in the abyss in hope of winning the Powerball Lottery. True, Satan has allowed this Lottery to grow to the tempting amount of over $1 billion dollars, but the chances of actually winning this money are about the same as Ted Cruz saying something intelligent. But to hedge my bet on the lottery, I’m praying that some follower of my ministry actually wins and gives in to the call to give back 10% to the Lord’s work. Come, Holy Spirit!

Bisexuals: This headline has just gotten me all worked up. “A growing number of women and men say they are bisexual, according to the latest national survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.” Lord, help. I am slowly becoming adjusted to the repositioning of this world’s moral compass, but I prefer to deal in absolutes. North. South. Godly Hetero. Sodomite. Now I must throw in those who are on a wider sexual spread, pun intended? Bisexuals are drawn to fornicate with others either sex. Good Lord. Not only are these people indecisive, but let’s face it…they’re just sluts. Let us pray.

Bowie: A Poem by Helen Holy
The world has lost a flaming star
A man whose gender was near and far
He sang and danced and pushed our limits
With clothes and hair and makeup gimmicks
I remember he tried my patience hardest
When he asked that we call him Ziggy Stardust
So one finds it odd that I offer this blessing
To a man whose appearance was often distressing
But standing proud and being unique
Was a virtual lifeline for outcasts weak
So let us praise this one so showy
Find rest eternal, dear David Bowie.