Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The Oscar “Race”

craig-headshotOops! They did it again. And we must boycott the Oscars.

Clearly, homophobia is a problem within the 94% white, 76% male Academy (average age:  63). Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara get Oscar nominations for playing lesbians in “Carol” while Sarah Paulson gets snubbed for the same movie. Ms. Paulson is a lesbian, playing a lesbian, and we cannot have that.

From George Sanders (“All About Eve”…Addison Dewitt was gay, don’t you think?) straight (!) through Sean Penn (“Milk”), the Academy loves a straight actor playing a gay character. William Hurt, Tom Hanks, and Philip Seymour Hoffman all have benefited from this tradition.

When I think what Neil Patrick Harris could have done as Harvey Milk or Truman Capote, I could cry. Really.  Thinking about those lost performances makes me cry. And don’t you think Ellen DeGeneres as Carol, instead of the aforementioned Ms. Blanchett, could have worked a ‘50s swing coat just as well? Either of these previous Oscar hosts could have made Oscar gold, if they had just been given the chance.

Now I’m not complaining because Karl didn’t get nominated this year. As those of you who know my husband can attest, he is the straightest gay man on the planet. He’d have to be to counter balance me. But he didn’t make a movie this year. In fact, he’s never made a movie, unless you count hidden camcorders (yeah, that long ago) at Christmas.

But it’s hard to boycott something you weren’t invited to in the first place. Otherwise, I could say I’m boycotting the Idlewild Ball or the Savannah Cotillion Ball. I could say I’m boycotting the Junior League Ball because you don’t need an invitation for that, just $250. But that is a very different column.

So I’ll be in at home, watching the ceremony, boycotting away come Oscar night. Leonardo DiCaprio will probably win, looking more like a wolf in “The Revenant” than he did in the “The Wolf of Wall Street.” The trailer for “The Revenant with Leo freezing and grunting around in the great outdoors leaves me cold. Literally, cold. And Brie Larson looks good for Best Actress, even though I didn’t know who she was 15 minute ago. Or, Lady Gaga could win. Wouldn’t that just fuel the Madonna meltdown?

But the highlight of the evening may be Sylvester Stallone winning, going to the podium amidst a thundering standing ovation while the theme from “Rocky” emanates from the orchestra pit (if they even have such a thing anymore). That could be really great or really bad, depending on your point of view.  

And that’s the column. I promised myself I could do it without using any of the following words:  race, sour, grapes, or silly. And I did. Oops!