Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Conservatives, Cubans & Cruises

helenholy-02_17_16I leave town for a week and the world literally falls apart. Join me in prayer as I attempt to put the world back together.

Conservatives: America has lost one of its most conservative voices with the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia. We are mourning this fine Christian man who said such things as “African American students might fare better in a ‘slower-track school’ rather than more competitive colleges,” espoused a belief in “moral disapproval of homosexual conduct,” and claimed “I and my court owe no apology whatever for Bush versus Gore. We did the right thing. So there! Get over it.” I doubt there will ever be another one like him. At least that is my prayer. Now let us grab the proverbial popcorn and watch as our conservative brothers and sisters jump through flaming hoops of fire to circumvent any replacement nomination which would not fit their vision of theocracy. Glory!

Cubans: The Disney cruise liner, Wonder, recently picked up some Cuban migrants who were adrift in the Caribbean in an unseaworthy craft. While this gesture on the part of this glorious ship may seem the ultimate in Christian compassion, I can’t help but wonder if the Wonder now has some wonderful new room stewards with a penchant for cigars. Hallelujah!

Cruises: Speaking of cruise ships, I just returned from a week-long ministry aboard a ship full of sodomites and lesbyterians. I am utterly exhausted from the duties of daily anointings, multiple laying on of hands, many receiving a gift of tongues, and the witnessing of many uprisings of the Spirit.  Please pray for me as I recover from my extensive duties. Frankly, dear readers, I was away from much news of the world for an entire week and am looking forward to diving into current events again here on land. Until then, I shall recall the glimpses of the GLORY of many second comings and horizontal ministries on the high seas. Ahoy!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.