Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Drag Race

craig-headshotFor months now, I have needed my fix of RuPaul and her marvelous Drag Race. You can keep your Real Housewives of Wherever with their scripted fights; give me an honest to God drag queen throwing shade any day. Especially if she’s throwing it with a trowel. (The new season starts Monday, March 7—thank heavens!)

But the next dressing room brawl isn’t scheduled for Ru’s workroom—it’s going to play out on the Republican presidential stage. It really started with the last debate and proceeded through the days leading up to Super Tuesday. While Mr. Trump and Senator Cruz continued with their usual putdown shtick (mostly of the liar, liar pants on fire school), Senator Rubio has displayed an unexpected flair for the art of the insult—going from “Hair” Force One to saying Trump should sue whoever did that to his face. Marco topped that (pun intended) with a reference to Trump’s small hands, and in doing so, hit the drag queen triumvirate of shade: hair, makeup, and unimpressive endowment. Dear Marco, he obviously learned something from those foam parties he attended back in the day.

And now, with Trump moving straight for the nomination, the various competing factions within the Republican party (the “Establishment,” Cruz, Rubio, Kasich, and God knows who else) may be willing to put their conflicting agendas aside in order to stop Trump. It’s as if Adore Delano, Courtney Act, and Darienne Lake all decided to smother Bianca Del Rio with a pillow in the middle of season 6.

Back on the Democratic side, Senator Sanders said his opponents (read Hillary) have thrown everything at him but the kitchen sink and that might be next. Really, Bernie? Bless your heart. Look on over at the Republicans. Those flying objects you see? Those are kitchen sinks. And not pretty ones in Wedgwood blue. Big, ugly stainless steel industrial size sinks.

But, I don’t personally think the anti-Trump forces can insult, maneuver, or even reason Trump out of the nomination. To do that, the best weapon is good, old-fashioned ridicule. The kind of ridicule that Saturday Night Live employed to make Gerald Ford and George H. W. Bush so laughable that the country fired them as president. The kind of ridicule that made Tina Fey famous for her impersonation of Sarah Palin. The kind of ridicule that makes grown men afraid to be close to the stage at a drag show.

Yes, that strange coalition of anti-Trump Republicans need to do what is necessary. They must bite down on whatever is hard and handy, and hire drag queens as political consultants to tell them how to put Donald Trump in his place rather than at the top of the ticket come November. If asked nicely, they’ll probably throw in a strategy to stop Ted Cruz, since he isn’t much more popular with most Republicans than Trump.

So send out the S. O. S., and address it to Bianca Del Rio. Tell her that her country is calling. She’ll know exactly what to do.