Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Bathrooms, Baseball & Bison

helenholy-05_18_16Prepare ye the way of the news. Behold, I bring a ministry of wisdom in these trying times. Read on, Brothers and Sisters!

Bathrooms: There are so many signs of the end times these days, my head is spinning! In another move of pure evil, school districts and even the government are passing laws allowing transgendered people to use the bathroom with which they most identify, and NOT the bathroom that matches the plumbing they were born with. If this is truly going to be the norm, I’m praying that the Lord provides a plethora of outhouses throughout this land. My sweet grandparents used the same facility for years on their farm with absolutely no problem. Otherwise, if a “man” comes into MY ladies room, he better be prepared to SIT DOWN TO PEE! Glory!

Baseball: Such anger and violence in today’s sporting events. Last week a brawl broke out between the Toronto Blue Jays and the Texas Rangers. These professional ball players are paid the equivalent of King Solomon’s Mines, yet they act like children. It all boils down to a Texas Rangers player named Brother Odor punching a Toronto Blue Jay player named Brother Bautista. The only reason I have ANY sympathy for this altercation is because I’ve been a church bathroom and witnessed how an odor can knock out a Baptist, and it ain’t pretty. Get the Lysol!

Bison: Brothers and Sisters, I’m all for caring for “All Creatures Great and Small.” However, there is a limit. A father and son driving through Yellowstone recently spied a baby bison shivering and lost by the roadside. Like the Samaritan of the Bible, they stopped to help, eventually loading the bison into their car for comfort. People, a bison is not a puppy or kitty cat. Moreover, bison mothers can be difficult about taking back a child which has been removed from the herd. Ultimately, this poor baby had to be put down as a result of a father and son trying to do something good. Well good Lord…at least they could have gotten a couple of bison burgers for their trouble. Moooo!

Photo Credit: Transgender Bathrooms – usatoday.com; Baseball – mashable.com; Baby Bison– scoopnest.com

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.