Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Attackers, Angels & Apes

helenholy-06_01_16Prayerfully join me as I observe our world from a Christian perspective this week. May we all be on our knees at some point to benefit others.

Attackers: It is a sad time for Christianity. The paragon of Christian education and home of my own personal training, Baylor University, has been caught in less than Christian behavior. Allegations of rape by athletes followed by administration officials doing nothing to protect or seek justice for these victimized Baylor coeds. I am truly aghast. The President of Baylor is Ken Starr!  Who better to investigate sexual misdeeds? In my days when I was a student at “Jerusalem-on-the-Brazos,” there was a respect for women students. The fine young men I knew at Baylor would never have dreamed of violating a woman in ANY sexual manner. Ever. Even into marriage. Let me put it this way…if Baylor would recruit more players like Brother Michael Sam, the problem would be solved! Glory!

Angels: The angels gathered in a chorus on Tuesday morning as Sister Jan Crouch was welcomed into the heavenly choir. My evangelistic Sister-In-Christ was one of the most recognized women in televangelism for having co-founded the Trinity Broadcasting Network with her husband. Not since Sister Tammy Faye had the world seen a more striking visage of Christ. I am praying that Sister Crouch entered the Pearly Gates with her eyelashes and lavender wig intact, lest her recent plastic surgery render her unrecognizable even unto her Heavenly Father. Praise!

Apes: Such a tragedy at the Cincinnati Zoo. A 3-year old boy, fascinated with Harambe the Gorilla, slipped into the gorilla enclosure to get a better look. In an effort to save the young child, zoo officials shot and killed Harambe. We will never know if that gorilla would have tried to save the little boy or harm it. However, zoo officials have insisted that, were it to happen again, they would do the same thing. Brothers and Sisters, it is my fervent prayer that the Cincinnati Zoo will host a public appearance of Donald Trump, during which a precious child will approach Donald the Ape. We could then be assured that Zoo officials would take care of this election once and for all. Amen?

Photo Credit: Baylor – dailymailuk.com; Jan Crouch – youtube.com; Harambe – slate.com

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.