Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Muslims, Mexicans & Malice

helenholy - 06-8-16I am EXHAUSTED from this week’s goings on. We need to pray for revival in this land. Here is a sampling of the filth among us. Get on your knees, Sinners!

Muslims: The most famous Muslim in the world has passed on. Passed on to WHAT, I’m not sure, but I digress. Brother Cassius Clay, aka Muhammad Ali, died this past week. Let me admit, I don’t blame him at all for wanting to change his name from Cassius to something else, but “Muhammad” just sounds so unchristian. Regardless, he always referred to himself as “The Greatest” which, in my book, is just a bit self-centered. Greatest what? So he won some awards in a boxing ring.To quote my Catholic friend, Brother John McGivern, boxers vie for a purse and a belt in every match. Did this make him the Greatest Crossdresser? Lord, help.

Mexicans: If God had not created Donald Trump, my reach would be sorely lacking in objects of ministry. Let me point out that Brother Trump is being sued by former students of “Trump University”, a thinly veiled learning institution which promised to teach investment strategies used by Brother Donald for excess success. Never before has the phrase “trumped up” been used to signify something fake and misleading been so apropos. But now, Donny is proclaiming that the Judge in the case is biased because said Judge is a Mexican. And we all know the Donald’s proclivities for the Mexican people. Little late to worry about THAT, Brother Trump. Your popularity with the Mexicans is such that you might want to forget about that wall on the border and build one around your house for protection. ¿Comprende?

Malice: In an addendum to my statements last week regarding my alma mater, Baylor University, certain fellow Alumni have proven themselves to be lacking in any manner of decorum. This past weekend, a group of self-identified Baylor Alumni took out full page ads in Houston and Austin papers to thank Brother Ken Starr for his leadership amid the recent accusations of rape of Baylor women by various football players. Let us remember these fine, young, innocent women who pleaded to Brother Starr for help and were rousingly ignored. What a lovely gesture, then, that these Alumni have made with their newspaper ad, effectively saying to these young women, “Harlots be silenced! This white, Republican, Christian Male needs to be soothed, praised and defended.” Brothers and Sister, the Lord has just poured me a big glass of Ipecac and I have to go vomit now!

Photo Credit: Muhammad Ali – youtube.com; Donald Trump – cnn.com; Ken Starr – thinkprogress.com

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.