Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Reality, Richard & Rebirth

With so much sadness in our world, I dedicate myself this week to staying light hearted. I pray that you are blessed with these thoughts this week.

Reality: Well just gag me. I pride myself in basing my ministry here in Dallas, Texas. However, that Jewish impresario, Andy Cohen, just HAD to start another franchise of his “reality” show, REAL HOUSEWIVES, here in my fair city. Brothers and Sisters, please do not watch this filth or give it any credence. These women are just trash and not representative of ANYTHING real about Dallas. I am praying that the next round of cosmetic surgeries which these women endure will render them completely unphotographable. At which point, I will offer myself up to Brother Cohen as an offering for him to touch, mold and manipulate into something far more marketable. The Real Christian of Dallas. Hallelujah!

Richard: Rumors are flying that flamboyant fitness fanatic, Richard Simmons, is transitioning genders. Brothers and Sisters, let us focus on far more important things in these times. I mean, if this rumor IS true, would any of us really notice a difference? Lord, help.

Rebirth: I celebrated a birthday this past week and am so grateful to so many readers who reached out to me. I’m grateful that the Lord has given me another year of ministry, but even more grateful to have been touched by so many people across this land. In fact, I feel a bath coming on. Praise!

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on RSVP Cruises, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy.



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