Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Gun Crazy

Doing a weekly column means being on the lookout for something to write about pretty much all the time. When Donald Trump said that it “would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight” if someone had shot back at the killer in Orlando, I thought to myself…”I’ve got this.”

Never mind that nothing one might witness during a mass murder would be beautiful. Never mind that anyone with two brain cells working knows that alcohol, firearms and a sexually-charged atmosphere should never mix. Never mind that I live in Texas where any number of people in a gay club may be packing (and carrying a gun, too, for that matter).

With all this gun talk lately, I was peering over my chicken salad at lunch this week wondering how many of the ladies at Neiman’s were packing (well, not packing, but carrying) in their Vuitton totes.

There were several reports of surges in gun sales to gay folks and a spike in membership in the Pink Pistols, a national LGBT gun club. (Seriously, I don’t make this stuff up.) I really don’t have a problem with the idea of a gay gun club, but Pink Pistols? Could you get more clichéd?

We also heard about some new “smart” gun technology which would prevent anyone other than the gun owner from firing the gun. Something about fingerprints and magic watches and decoder rings. Karl perked up about this, saying he might like to have a gun that I couldn’t use against him. Granted, with my family history, that’s a legitimate concern. But it’s not going to happen. NO WAY.

And then the Democrats staged a protest sit-in demanding a vote on gun control in the House, and I dived for the unopened bag of Cheetos because there was no popcorn in the house. Because I love theater, and political theater is the best. With bootleg video from Periscope, it was wall-to-wall coverage.

Even Senators were coming over to the House (which is definitely moving from Boardwalk to Marvin Gardens, or worse) for the exposure. Elizabeth Warren came with boxes of donuts, continuing her live television audition to be Vice President. Another VP hopeful, Cory Booker, came empty handed. You snooze, you lose, Cory.

And here we are. The prospects of any meaningful legislation passing are slim to none. Some folks took some political advantage for the races they have (or hope to have) in November. I got a column out of it. Some of the people who were murdered got on television again, their names printed on paper and held up by the protesting Democrats in the House who were wearing rainbow ribbons and wristbands. Symbols for the symbol-minded, as the great George Carlin might say.

Gun crazy? Or just plain crazy? You decide.