Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Abortion, Apology & Apocalypse

I have been steeped in study of the book of Revelation and have come to the conclusion that signs of the end times are all around us. Prayerfully consider these things, Brothers and Sisters.

Abortion: A huge loss for the Christian Army. Brother Roberts and the Supremes have invoked the wrath of all things Christian by striking down the restrictive abortion regulations passed here in my home state of Texas. I am aghast! So many fine Christian MEN in this state did everything in their power to control certain decisions which WOMEN make about their bodies. Decisions, I might add, which those fine Christian MEN will never have to make in their lifetimes. To make matters worse, this decision comes exactly one year after the Supremes struck down any restrictions on sodomite marriage, further invalidating the efforts of Christian lawmakers. Perhaps, brothers and sister, this is a sign from our Lord above that Christians need to remain in their prayer closets and get out of the law making business. Amen?

Apology: In an additional sign of the loosening grip of Christianity, Pope Francis, leader of one of the largest Christian groups in the world (Catholics!), announced in a press conference this past week that the Catholic church needs to apologize to gay people. Mercy me, the Catholic church is bursting at the seams! I’m anxious to hear specifics from Brother Francis. Apologize for what? For stealing the gays’ taste in clothes for the papacy? For stealing the gays’ love of pomp and circumstance in liturgical services? For keeping all priests unmarried and thus having them steal away to the belfry for a quick frolic with a Franciscan? Regardless, I’d like to point out that this apology came during an in-flight press conference aboard Vatican One. Perhaps Franny was just trying to appease a flock of rather surly flight attendants ready to depressurize the holy cabin. Hail, Mary!

Apocalypse: Finally, in a move that is SURELY a sign of the apocalypse, Focus on the Family founder, James Dobson, has announced that Donald Trump has accepted Christ and become a born again Christian. This is unsettling news. While many are praying for a loss of life as it relates to Brother Trump’s campaign, now we have a Rocky Mountain fundamentalist telling us that Donny has been reborn to a NEW life. Lord, help. Personally, I don’t want him on my team. In my recent prayers, I have beseeched the big JC to log in to his FacePlace account and deny Donald’s friend request. Logging off…….