Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The Olympics.

Helen Holy - 625x625Brothers and Sisters, I have returned from a triumphant mission trip to Europe where I was able to lay hands on some fine, young Czech men in need of my special touch. Now let’s get on to bringing a Christian perspective to all things Olympic.

Shooting: Our blessed US of A is representing so well at the Rio Olympics. Many gold medals already won for our country. Bless little Virginia Thrasher’s heart. Her marksmanship abilities won her a gold medal, making hers the FIRST gold medal won for the United States. A gold medal! In Shooting. Shooting. I can’t make this stuff up. Let us pray.

Swimming: Precious Michael Phelps has made history with his 19th Olympic Gold Medal. What a fine representation of American sportsmanship. I try to overlook his past history with that Mexican Mary Jane, but I digress. I did have concern regarding those large spots on Brother Phelps’ shoulders and back, but was assured that it was the result of an ancient muscle treatment called “cupping” whereby a cup is placed over the muscle and suction is created which somehow heals aching muscles. This all seems just a bit heathen to me. What happened to Ben Gay? Lord!

Gymnastics: I have a personal interest in the success of the United States Men’s Gymnastics team. You see, I saw a ministry and asked the Lord for an opportunity. I prayed that I would serve as a spiritual guide for these fine young men as they prepared for the Rio Olympics. Diligently and reverently, I would be on my knees before each of them in supplication on a daily basis. I would anoint them with oils at the Lord’s leading. My efforts would have brought them great success. Alas, my prayers went unanswered and these little fire plugs have achieved success on their own. But undeterred, I shall return to my prayer closet and pick up where I left off on this ministry. Hallelujah!