Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club: Sinner, Skeeter & Speedo

Helen Holy - sittingJoin me in contemplation as I lead you in my weekly ministry of all things current.

Sinner: The Lord has laid a burden heavy on my heart. In this election year, Christians are faced with a presidential choice of biblical proportions. On the one hand, Donald Trump is claiming to be a Christian, yet has a history of adultery, cheating, inability to quote scripture or even correctly pronounce books of the Bible. Moreover, he has a past history of supporting abortion rights and sodomite rights. But the devout are falling in line behind him. On the other hand, we have Sister Hillary Clinton. And she’s a METHODIST! I’m at a loss.

Skeeter: The zika virus is becoming quite a healthcare nightmare. Now with the aftermath of heavy rains across our country, mosquito breeding is in high gear. What are we to do?   will say this…rather than live in fear of contracting the virus through mosquito bites, I am remaining steadfast in my faith. As a result, the last skeeter that dared to bite me flew away singing “THERE IS POWER, POWER, POWER IN THE BLOOD!” Hallelujah!

Speedo: While I have been busy preparing for my punishment ministry on Brother Ryan Lochte for his recent series of lies, the news has come that he is losing valuable endorsements.  A recent headline stated that “Speedo Drops Lochte.” Verily, let me say unto you…once I get my hands on that boy to begin the atoning spankings, the headlines will read “Lochte Drops Speedo!” Glory!