Assessing the news of our world is truly exhausting. But I have strength for the ministry. Read, then, the fruits of this week’s labors.
Falling: Apparently, Sister Hillary Clinton got slain in the Spirit after visiting the 9/11 Memorial this past weekend. After the visit, and upon entering her vehicle, Sister Clinton did what we in the church refer to as “falling out.” Luckily, there were deacons nearby to assist her. Media reports say that she fainted or was weakened by pneumonia. I prefer to think that the Holy Spirit just gave her a knock. I’ve been praying that Brother Trump receives a hit from the Spirit as well, but let’s face it…even the Holy Spirit has boundaries. SHECAMEINAHONDA!
Dancing: My precious brother in Christ, Ryan Lochte, is back in the news again. After his first appearance on that filthy dancing television program, two men stormed the stage to protest his presence on the show. Brothers and Sister, there are so many possible answers as to what happened here. These men were overcome with Ryan’s moves and were led to lay hands on him. Or, these men were sorely offended by his abilities on the dance floor and were doing the world a favor. Or, these men were the installers of the new bathroom door which Brother Ryan broke in Rio and were seeking reimbursement. Personally, I think the entire thing was a misunderstanding. In truth, those two men should have stormed Rick Perry with shouts of “WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Preach.
Parading: Lord help us all. Another annual parade of sluts has come and gone. The Miss America Pageant was held this past weekend in Atlantic City, where tramps from every state showed their stuff before a live audience of fat women, sodomites and lip licking perverts parading as judges. True, many former winners used their position to promote Christian values, but let’s face it, those days are gone. Now we have trollops who just want to show some skin, wear a dress and display how LITTLE talent they all have before a worldwide television audience. And this year’s winner? Miss Arkansas. ARKANSAS! I pray she uses her winnings to upgrade to a double wide. Glory!