Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Sex, Drugs And Rock (No Roll)

craig-headshotNo doubt about it—presidential politics fell lower than ever this week with the first debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. And it wasn’t just one low, there were several of them. But let’s go right to rock bottom, shall we?

The Trump Tease about Bill Clinton’s sexual infidelities, including the possibility that Gennifer Flowers would attend the debate, was the most salacious bit of politics since Bill Clinton got caught actually doing that stuff. But Trump tried to have it both ways—by referencing it but not naming it. “I was going to say something extremely rough. . .[but] “it’s inappropriate, it’s not nice.” Wow…who knew Donald Trump had scruples? And if he has them, who do they actually belong to? (Thank you, Addie Pray.)

Of course Trump had to congratulate himself the next day on his restraint for not doing something in the very sentence that he is names the very thing that he is praising himself for not naming. And in so doing, Trump beats “all world’s records for running, jumping, and standing gall.” He steals the title from Eve Evil, little Miss Evil…just as I steal the quote from Karen Richards. (If necessary, excuse yourself to google this reference to prevent your gay card from being revoked.)

Meanwhile, Eric Trump expressed his pride in his father for taking “the high ground” and keeping “the high road.” Oh, Eric, bless your heart. I strongly urge you not to say your father took anything “high” at the debate. Just pass Daddy a tissue, and leave that kind of talk to the Democrats.

Speaking of drugs (or at least alluding to them), I’ve seen a blossoming of yard signs supporting Gary Johnson for President. Considering his position on legalizing pot and his former position as CEO of Cannabis Sativa, Inc., which markets marijuana where it is legal, I have to wonder if these folks with the yard signs are, in fact, the neighborhood potheads. Maybe Nate Silver (that hot geek genius of the probabilities game) could calculate the likelihood that this is the case. Considering the strain this election is putting on all of us, this could be good information to know.

Unfortunately, Governor Johnson did have a Sarah Palin moment this week when he was unable to name a single world leader in an interview with Chris Matthews. He says he’s been off pot since May in order to be “on top of [his] game” during his presidential campaign, so I have to wonder if long term marijuana use does promote memory loss. And, if it does, perhaps one should never stop smoking pot once the damage is done so people will think one is just stoned, and not brain addled.

While diamond rocks and vodka rocks speak to me, I can’t quote them. But my favorite Rock Hudson who can be quoted summed up my feelings about this political season years ago on screen when he said, “Thank you—you’ve reaffirmed my lack of confidence in my fellow man.”