Behold these new beginnings, these retributions and these liberties.
Inauguration: God Bless America! Our new President, Donald J. Trump, has been officially coronated, er, inaugurated and is hard at work making America great again! Already, the White House web pages for the Mexicans and Sodomites have been removed. Brother Donald, being a fine Christian man, entered his new home in front of his wife, showing his rightful place as the head of household. Sister Melania adorned herself in beautiful blue, invoking the style of Jackie Kennedy, proving that Melania’s best moves are taken from previous First Ladies. At the prayer service after the inauguration, Trump appeared to be in prayer with his eyes closed, and his body slumped as if slain by the Holy Spirit. God reigns in our nation’s capital once again. Hallelujah!
Instigation: In a show of willful defiance, women from all over this land (except for me, of course) gathered in protest the day after the coronation. Meant as a rejection of Brother Trump’s leadership and the resulting direction of the country, an unprecedented number of women expressed displeasure publicly in cities everywhere. I’m at a loss. Donnie has often bragged of his successes in conquering the female gender. Yea, verily, I say unto all of you ladies…because of thy convictions, thou hast sent Trump rejections of a legion number. May he reflect on this display of estrogen the next time he feels led to pet a stranger’s pussy. Meow!
Inaccuracy: Finally, the new regime is taking great liberties with facts. As long as the message is forthright and confident from the government, it must be taken as fact regardless of whether or not it truly is fact. What a blessed way to influence the pliable brains of the masses. Claiming that their message is a collection of “alternative facts,” the new administration’s voices seeks to bring credence to their own perception of reality. When our founding fathers bestowed liberty upon all peoples, I daresay that TAKING liberty with facts was not intended. Therefore, I hold THIS truth to be self-evident…if, as the Bible says, “The Truth Shall Set You Free,” we the people are headed for a four year prison ministry. Let us pray.