Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The Inconvenient Truth

I think it all started with microwave ovens. This time-saving machine set off a national addiction to convenience. We first used it to heat mediocre prepared food (usually with uneven results). Since it was too much trouble to rotate the food every few seconds, we moved the turntable from the record player to inside the microwave.

And since it also was too much trouble to figure out how long it would take to heat something, it was only a few years before the reheat button appeared on the keypad so we wouldn’t even have to worry our pretty little heads about that. We wanted it easy, we wanted it now, and that’s what we got.

Then answering machines came along and gave us the ability to screen calls, and allowed us to snatch up the phone if it really was that cute guy with the droopy mustache from Saturday night. (I miss droopy mustaches.)

Caller ID went one step further and let us know who was calling before the answering machine picked up, so you didn’t even get caught screening—even though everyone knew that you did. Texts came along and made it possible to avoid even talking on the phone at all, or to at least come up with a convenient time to talk if absolutely necessary. Have it your way at Burger King—and everywhere else.

Practically anything you want to buy can be purchased on the internet, and I’m afraid we won’t be satisfied with that until we all have holes in our roofs so that Amazon drones can drop what we bought in our laps. Imagine, we won’t even have to get off the sofa to bring it inside.

Convenience heaven.

We like binge watching our favorite television shows because we don’t want to wait a week to see the next episode. Movie tickets are bought online because we don’t want to stand in line to buy them, or (heaven forbid) we get to the theater and find the showing is sold out.

As a people, we want what we want when we want it. And, what we don’t want (say, Milo Yiannopoulos)—well, we want that gone now. Right now.

So I find it quite interesting that we have ourselves a little situation right now that doesn’t lend itself to a convenient solution. And by little situation, I’m not referring to the President’s “hands,” but rather the whole Republican administration.

It looks like a nice long spell of messy inconvenience is in store for America. No redo, no reset, no reheat, no nothing. The inconvenient truth is there is no convenient solution, which is tough for our convenience addicted society.

As for my personal convenience, I’m really hoping that someone says something so outrageous at the Oscars this weekend that the real Donald will tweet about it, give the story legs, and provide me something fun to write about next week.

I mean, really, why isn’t Michael Moore nominated for something this year? How inconvenient.