Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Fans, Farts & Farce

We need some silliness this week.

Fans.  I have long been familiar with the various types of themed charters of ships on the high seas. Nudist charters (not enough Purell in the world), Christian charters (lots of people on their knees) and Gay charters (lots of people on their knees). But I don’t know how I feel about this. There is going to be a Golden Girls themed cruise on the Celebrity Infinity in 2020. According to the press release, fans can expect a Rusty Anchor Karaoke Party, Shady Pines Craft Corner as well as a “Golden Girls” costume contest, Dorothy’s Bingo and a Night in St. Olaf Dance Party. Throw in an orgy night for the slut from the show, and you’ll have a full schedule. Regardless, I know enough sodomites to make an informed suggestion that there will be very few biological women in the costume contest. Disgusting.

Farts. Billionaire Bill Gates and his wife have been the picture of Christian charity in the spreading of their wealth to others. Occasionally, Brother Bill takes on a project which gives me pause for reflection, like he did last year bringing better toilets to China and showing up at the press conference with a jar of poop. (See my column from November 7, 2018.) Keeping with this disgusting trend, Billy has announced that a matter of global concern is Bovine Flatulence. Cattle Gas. Cow Farts. Apparently, these noxious emissions are contributing to the issue of global warming. I have NO idea how he and Sister Melinda are going to use their money to address this issue of pasture passing. However, the next time I see someone feeding Bessie a bowl of chili, I’m hopping on my Microsoft desktop and shooting an e-mail to Seattle. Burp.

Farce. These are trying times. A few American Airlines stewardesses put on a skit in a private home extolling the appreciation for high spending frequent flyers. An amused guest at the home videotaped these ladies singing “Big Spender” to a man in a make believe first class seat. For you non-musical theater people (heterosexuals), the song is sung in the musical “Sweet Charity” by prostitutes. Once the video was posted on social media, some other stewardesses failed to see the humor in the farce and have raised a ruckus about the sexist and stereotypical nature of the skit. Well, I couldn’t agree more. I feel the same way every time I see a video of a sermon from First Baptist, Dallas. It’s just a travesty of real Christianity and perpetuates every negative stereotype about religion. Let us pray.