Buckle up, Sinners. It’s a bumpy week!
Mothers. Just when I think we can’t get any closer to the apocalypse, something startles me even more. This news out of Omaha. Two sodomites, Matthew Eledge and Elliot Dougherty decided to become parents in a manner heretofore unknown. The child was conceived via in vitro fertilization, using Eledge’s sperm, and eggs from Dougherty’s sister. Follow that? It gets worse. Then, it was Eledge’s 61-year-old mother who served as the gestational carrier and gave birth to the little girl, helping her son and son-in-law become first-time parents. Where do I start? First of all, the gays will go to great lengths to get their way. Secondly, a woman giving birth at the age of 61 to her own grandchild? There must have been banjos in the delivery room, because this was a certain kind of Deliverance. Finally, all of this in Omaha. Marlon Perkins never imagined a wild kingdom like this! Somewhere, Mary, the Mother of our Lord, is upset that her virgin birth is getting one-upped!
Mexicans. I’d like to thank Fox News for supporting a belief I’ve had for years. Anything south of the border is Mexican. Any people who speak Spanish are Mexicans. You can call it Nicaragua, but the people are Mexicans to me. Yet furor erupted when Fox News reported about the Trump administration’s move to cut off US aid to El Salvador, Guatemala and Honduras came with the headline “TRUMP CUTS AID TO 3 MEXICAN COUNTRIES”. Well, I just don’t see then problem. Comprende?
Mueller. As I mentioned last week, Bobby Mueller finished his book report on Donny Trump. Ever the over-achiever, Bobby’s report clocked in at 300 pages. Praise the Lord for Reader’s Digest Condensed Versions of all things literary. Our governmental editor, Attorney General William Barr, managed to summarize the whole report in 4 pages. What a blessing! In related news, I’d like to announce that Brother Barr will be presenting his summary of the Bible at my church on Sunday in a sermon entitled “Apples, Miracles, Parables, Death, and Getting High on a Remote Island.” Come and receive a blessing.