Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Monarchy, Moon, Mother

Let us pray for these earthly and heavenly concerns.

Monarchy.  Apparently, royal status isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (unless, of course, if one is King of Kings).  The ginger offspring of the House of Windsor (I see no ginger DNA), Brother Prince Harry, has decided he doesn’t want to play in the royal sandbox anymore, and has announced that he and his American wife plan on moving to private life.  While this is certainly not as scandalous as Eddie and Sister Wallis, it merits my comment and insight.  You’ll notice that Queen Betty Windsor is not aghast at stopping this, but merely wants to help the process.  Perhaps because Harry is not REALLY royal?  I’d hate to sully the reputation of Harry’s mommy, Sister Diana Spencer, but Harry looks just like her “friend,” Brother James Hewitt.  I’m praying about Charles’ whereabouts some nine months before Harry’s birth.  Was there a Star in the East or what?

Moon.  Lord, help us all.  A Japanese man with more money than sense is advertising for a woman willing to be his life partner and travel to the moon with him.  Look, I don’t know about any sort of tradition of arranged marriages in the Land of the Rising Sun, but this just seems tacky.  Among other qualifications, the perfect woman must “wish for world peace.”  Perhaps he should start with the Miss Japan pageant.  Nonetheless, I have prayerfully considered my advice to this Asian paramour and offer this suggestion.  Somewhere, there is a woman named Alice Kramden who’d be perfect for the trip.

Mother.  You may have missed this news, Brothers and Sisters, but sweet Lindsay Lohan’s mother, Dina, was arrested in New York last week for a DWI.  In news of a related shock, President Trump has told a lie.