Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

This Week In A Nutshell

Wednesday morning, I tumbled out of bed and stumbled to the bathroom after sliding into my house slippers.  Around the house, I wear those traditional Daniel Green dormie slippers that every meemaw in the South used to have.  Being gay, however, I have them in a variety of colors to go with the revolving kaftans.

I was half way to the bathroom scales for my morning weigh in–a forty plus year habit which served me well when I was younger and not at all now—before I remembered what was going on in the world.  There was a blissful, hot minute when my mind was not even peripherally aware of COVID-19, followed immediately by thinking to myself “Well she-it,” with the two full Southern syllables needed to express extreme exasperation.

Karl has taken over what used to be the breakfast room as his home office, and he asked me if I’d heard about Bernie Sanders as I headed into the kitchen for coffee.  This is the type of question that strains any marriage. I thought, “No, I just got up as you very well know.” But I said, “Bernie has corona?” Karl replied that he didn’t, but he had suspended his presidential campaign.  For a political junkie like myself, my initial reaction reveals a rather radical rearrangement of my thought processes.

Armed with coffee, I headed outside and pulled up Facebook to gauge the reaction to this news.  That wasn’t such a good idea as I soon found out. In addition to the Corona posts, there were some rather hateful things put out there that I just plain wasn’t interested in seeing.  So I kept scrolling until I could find something engaging that didn’t involve viruses or politics.  

So it was that I pulled up an article titled “The Gay Community’s Obsession with Status and Looks Has Huge Mental Health Costs.”  Obsession with status and looks? The gay community? Groundbreaking. But there was one little nugget in the piece that struck me.  It seems that participants in the survey cited in the piece that they felt stressed by “exclusionary racism and social cattiness” in the gay community.  Not exactly news on either score, but I must admit that the idea of social cattiness juxtaposed with our current state of social distancing gave me a bit of a chuckle.  

Later on in the day, I came across a picture of a Jewish family observing the first day of Passover virtually, using Zoom, embedded on my feed inside a bunch of posts about COVID-19.  The irony of commemorating being spared from the 10th plague of Egypt while in lockdown during this 21st century pandemic was jarring, particularly since this time Moses isn’t here to tell anyone what to sprinkle on the door post to ward off the pestilence.  Because, trust me, I am paying close attention to what my Jewish friends and neighbors are doing, and if any lamb’s blood starts showing up, there will be mutton for dinner in this house.

Now that it seems we’re past the hording of toilet paper for the most part and the almost endless jokes that action generated, a new semi-obsession has taken its place.  What to do about your hair? I got quite a kick out of that one, what with all the short hairdos getting too long and roots springing from scalps that had never been more than three weeks from a salon.

In the interest of public service, I have a plan for dealing with having a bad hair month or two, and I didn’t steal it from Elizabeth Warren.  My idea takes care of those concerned that they are on their way to looking like Miss Daisy right before Boolie sent her off to the nursing home.  Plus, it also addresses the need to mask in public, a sartorial dilemma that many readers may be facing. For those who wouldn’t dream of leaving the house without a full face of makeup and can’t figure out how to do a half-face, we have just the solution for that, too.

Bed linens are being touted as a good source of material for masks, and the higher the thread count, the better.  So if you can’t sew and you’re like me and can’t follow even the simplest DIY video for making masks, here’s something we all can do.

Forget cutting up the sheet, and simply take a pillowcase and cut two holes in it to see through.  You won’t have to worry about your hair or your makeup. And, by gathering the pillowcase’s opening with a nice choker, preferably pearl, you’ll get a nice ruffled effect, plus no one will mistake you for a Klansman.