Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Lies, Lysol & Lyrics

The L Words.

Lies.  The media continues to barrage our President and Vice-President with accusations of lies.  Shame on them!  Why would our elected leaders lie to us?  Alas, after counsel with some members of my church, I had to leave open the possibility that some untruths have been uttered from some leaves on the executive branch.  Rumor has it that, after a late night cry of “Melania!  Bring me the ax!” was heard from the White House Rose Garden, a cherry tree was chopped.  Explanation from the West Wing is pending.  Meanwhile, Brother Pence broke out the Ouija Board and received this two word message from Richard Nixon………..”Girl.  Impressive.”

Lysol.  Brothers and Sisters, the only time I’m on my knees not doing the Lord’s work is when I’m cleaning my bathroom.  But even then, cleanliness is next to Godliness.  I’m not here to endorse a particular brand of cleaning product, but I have to declare my happiness with a good bottle of Soft Scrub, some Tilex, and a Lysol spray.  Therefore, I had to pause for consideration when our esteemed President suggested that these same products might also disinfect my innards and protect me from the virus of corona.  I hate the consistency of Soft Scrub and the smell of Tilex, but I figured a spray of lavender-scented Lysol in coffee should work just fine.  I’m looking forward to serving this at the next Oval Office prayer meeting.  And I’m not being sarcastic……

Lyrics.  Sunday night, after a day in the park by the George W. Bush Library, I was on the YourTube looking at sermon videos or for a little night music to keep me company.  I came upon a musical Zoom conference of singers celebrating the birthday of notorious showtune scribe, Stephen Sondheim.  I confess to being intrigued, but I just couldn’t keep up with all the lyrics.  Less is more, Brother Sondheim!  Then, the follies of such blatant use of alcohol on camera.  And not a single gospel number!  Many famous Jews have sung about Christmas, so why not a nod to Jesus, Stephen?  I finally said to myself, Helen…..these are Broadway showtunes.  You have gone into the woods of a virtual broadcast along with possibly every sodomite in the western world.  I certainly won’t make THAT mistake again.  I never do anything twice.  Or am I losing my mind?