Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Crass. Christian. Christo.

I must find ways to lift us all up in these trying days.

Crass.  I these days of social distancing, there seem to be as many opinions of how to do so as there are people.  However, I have been made aware of one group’s crass concerns upon which I simply must comment.  Nudists.  Nudists are having to re-think how they gather.  Lord, give me strength.  Apparently, they are doing virtual with nude yoga and cooking classes online.  I may upchuck.  According to one nudist spokesperson, “When you are naked with other people, you are already showing yourself physically, there’s nothing to hide, no disguise.  And so, you tend to be more open, develop deeper relationships, and you talk more openly.”  Bull Dooky.  If you’re watching each other be naked, you’re just a pervert.  And if you’re watching nakedness online, that’s what I call porn.  Get a room!

Christian.  Our glorious President has made a sacred stand as a Christian by forcibly removing Godless demonstrators from his path so that he could make his own Via Dolorosa to the steps of a boarded up Episcopalian church.  There, in front of the spirit-filled church marquis welcoming all, Brother Don raised a bible in acclamation and had his picture took for all to see.  What an inspiring vision of his Christian faith!  This entire process was surely inspired by the biblical story where Jesus sent the disciples ahead to tear-gas the crowds before He rode that donkey into Jerusalem.  I’m off to Salt Lake City to grab a selfie in front of the Temple holding a Book of Mormon.  I’ve been dying to see inside!  These are latter days.

Christo.  I don’t always understand what passes for “art.”  Sometimes, I think I could vomit in tupperware and sell it for an ungodly sum as long as I attach some ridiculous title to it.  In a similar vein, I never really understood why that Bulgarian mononymous creator, Christo, achieved such acclaim for wrapping gargantuan items like islands and buildings.  No one acclaims me when I wrap Christmas presents!  I have to admit, I did see his wrapping of the Reichstag while on a mission trip to Berlin in 1995 and was mildly impressed.  Regardless, Mr. Wrap-It himself passed away this last week.  I have so many questions.  Will his body be wrapped and propped up in a museum?  Will his work ever be replicated?  And most importantly, couldn’t he have completed one last work by covering the White House in Saran Wrap thus preventing any further decay therein?  Such a loss.