Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Ruling. Ramp. Rebuke.

Let us review the three “R”s this week.

Ruling.  In another sign of these Book of Revelation times in which we are living, the Court of Supremes just ruled that sodomites, lesbyterians, buysexuals and transitories cannot be fired because of their orientation or identity.  Frankly, I don’t care what kind of orientation they attend as long as they’re learning something, but whatever.  Many of my fellow Christians are simply aghast at this ruling that is surely going to be the cause of another pandemic or natural disaster.  In related news, Senator Lindsey Graham breathed a sigh of relief so strong, all of Washington knew what he had for lunch.

Ramp.  Our President has been exhibiting signs of physical weakness which I find concerning.  Having to use both hands to lift his water glass to his lips gives him the likeness of a child commandeering a sippy cup.  More importantly, I’d like to comment on Rampgate.  As you may have seen, after delivering the Commencement Address onstage at West Point (giving cadets impetus to start a war), Brother Don seemed to have difficulty maneuvering the ramp for his stage left exit.  In a declaration of defense, DT excused the unsteadiness on the fact that the ramp was “long and steep.”  Let us remember our physics class, Brothers and Sisters.  If a ramp is steep, it is because it has a short distance to descend.  If a ramp is long, it’s to avoid a steep decline.  He can’t have his cake and eat it too.  And speaking of cake, we have been all but issued a Presidential Proclamation to eat some.

Rebuke.  Good Lord.  In these times of contagious, airborne disease, it is up to all of us to do our part to keep infection at bay.  I have a mask that I wear in public at all times which keeps me from spreading spray from my lips which may have been contaminated due to some other sinner’s carelessness towards me.  In a stunning display of said “sinner contamination,” a woman in a bagel shop in the New York Borough of Queens not only came in without a face covering, but went so far as to intentionally cough on a fellow bageler who expressed concern about her not wearing a mask.  Lo, the sin of passive aggressiveness is upon us.  I’m glad I don’t like bagels.  But if this woman ever shows up at my Krispy Kreme location, I’ll rebuke her in the name of the Lord and baptize her in Lysol before she can expectorate on my glaze!

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