Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Change Is Gonna Do Me Good

We had the official Groundhog Day this week, with all the attendant prognosticating about the weather that comes with it, as if Punxsutawney Phil were the Al Roker of the subterranean rodent world.  He returned to his burrow, indicating six more weeks of winter, as if that matters to those of us who have been living in Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day for most of the last year.    

To be fair, my personal daily habits (such as they are) have been on an upward trajectory these last couple of weeks due to some overdue changes.  I no longer turn on the television before slipping on my Daniel Greens to find out what tweet might have unbalanced the world while I slept.  Instead, I finally have joined those who compulsively check their device of choice to see if there’s an important email.  

One new thing in my Groundhog Day world is the relentless pursuit of the COVID vaccine.  Karl’s a little older, so he got his.  Scott’s a patient at UT Southwestern, so he got his.  I, on the other hand, am on so many waiting lists that I’m beginning to wonder if it would be faster and easier to get Shirley MacLaine to go with me to drug stores and vaccination hubs and scream, “GIVE HIM THE SHOT!”

It’s unclear to me how anyone thought this was a good system to distribute something in such short supply.  After all, anyone who has ever been to a Baskin Robbin’s knows that everyone gets one number—one number—and not a different one from each person serving up ice cream that day.

So I just check my emails, every hour on the hour, to see whether I’ve gotten lucky.  My heart jumped a few days ago when I got one from Walgreen’s with the subject line “The email you’ve been waiting for.”  I opened it to find an ad for the weekly savings.  I literally looked at the computer screen and spat out, “No, bitch, this is not the email I’ve been waiting for.”

I broke down and registered with Tarrant County Public Health, acknowledging at some level that maybe, just maybe, Fort Worth is doing a better job than Dallas.  Those who don’t live in the DFW area perhaps need to know the closest D gets to FW is in DFW.  Otherwise, there’s a lot of side eye going on.  And if I get an invitation to the vaccine dance from Fort Worth before I get one from Dallas, there’s going to be even more side eye coming from me, and it’s not going to be directed at Cowtown.

Something else that has changed in the daily loop of life is Democrats in Washington aren’t acting like Democrats in Washington.  It’s beginning to look like they may have actually learned a thing or two about the not-so-loyal opposition.  President Joe Biden seems to understand the need to “act big,” as described by his new Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen.  His COVID relief package is moving forward, even after a meeting with ten Republican senators on their counterproposal of less than half of what the administration wants.  

In the upper chamber, Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer finalized “the organizing resolution for the Senate,” which Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell described ias a “power-sharing agreement.”  His title has changed from Majority to Minority, but that’s all that has changed.  His years of leading Senate Republicans has shown that McConnell knows that power is never shared.  The exercise of power is like having an orgasm—it can be witnessed, even facilitated, but it’s ultimately a singular experience.

Marjorie Lee Wenick, Miss Georgia World 1986, was the most famous three named Marjorie ever to come out of the Peach State.  But an unwelcome development in the personage of Marjorie Taylor Greene has changed that.  A freshly minted member of the House of Representatives, Ms. Greene has achieved notoriety from supporting everything from a variety of debunked conspiracy theories, notably QAnon, to the execution of prominent Democrats.

Faithful readers will recall a recent column in which the ghost of George Carlin identified three groups of people—the “fucking stupid,” those who are “full of shit,” and the “fucking nuts.”  To qualify on all three scores is something of an achievement.

At this writing, a bipartisan vote in the House has just stripped Ms. Greene of her committee assignments.  So House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, with the help of some Republicans, has bent this new Marjorie backward over a desk in much the same way that Julia Sugarbaker did to that other Marjorie from Georgia so many years ago.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh change is gonna do me good.