Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Mask Up Your Member

It’s hard to believe that in 2021 people are still embarrassed to purchase condoms. Especially anyone requiring extra-large ones. We would demand a price check over the intercom at CVS every time we went to the register if that were the case.

But we digress.

Some people are still shy about their prophylactic purchases, while others simply don’t want to pay for them when they can get their cows milked for free. Whichever camp you fall into, you’re covered (and so’s your perky peckeroo) with the free Nice Package service from Prism Health North Texas.

Launched last year, the free condom-and-lube delivery program now includes a monthly subscription (also free), to which you can add dental dams and internal condoms if needed.

Now that people are getting back together way closer than six feet apart, it’s more important than ever to remember to practice safe sex. Because Covid-19 isn’t the only thing out there you can catch from droplets flying willy-nilly around your willy, silly.

If you live in Dallas, Denton, Collin, Ellis, Henderson, Hunt, Kaufman, Rockwall, Cooke, Fannin, Grayson or Navarro Counties, all you have to do is sign up at freenicepackage.com and select one of four different packages, including one that’s latex-free and one that’s loaded with giant schlong sheaths.

We ordered ours and received them about a week later (some shipping times will be faster depending on how much further the postal service goes down the tubes) and they came in a bright, shiny gold shipping envelope. Not sure if that’s the truest definition of “discreet shipping” but it didn’t say “Loaded with Sex Stuff” either.

It’s been a sexual dry spell since lockdowns started last March for millions, so we couldn’t wait to try out our new condoms and lubes and make sure we still know how to use our ween (not to be confused with the poorly thought-out JesusWeen). We were really sad when the first one fell right off, but once we realized it was a female condom we felt quite relieved.

Best of all, our nightstand drawer now contains enough condoms to potentially last us for years! (Is it equally sad that the package only contained a dozen?)

Nice Package
Powered by Prism Health North Texas
Free condoms and lube delivered to your door