Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Prescription, Press & Perversion

This week’s prayers are a formula for pressing perversion.

Prescription. I keep hearing that these is a shortage of baby formula. I truly did not know that there was a prescribed formula solution for making babies. Just add water to the powder? Nonetheless, I say let it continue. The less formula there is to create babies, the less we have to worry about the abortion issue. What am I missing?

Press. We have new press secretary in the White House. I always enjoyed watching Sister Psaki (woe to those with a lisp) eviscerate stupid questions. She always struck me as a woman who might play a lot of tennis or golf, but little was said about her non-work life. Now we have Sister Karine Jean-Pierre. I’m all for diversity and recognize her status as the first Black woman in this position. I sing praises for her Haitian heritage. But do we need to know that she’s an avowed Lesbyterian? I just fear that any reporters who might ask troublesome questions will get a tongue lashing and that could be painful coming from a professional. 

Perversion. I guess the higher ups in my precious Babatist denomination have felt the unholy need to keep up with the Catholics. Thanks to a recent report, turns out that some fine Babatist pastors have been turning a blind eye to sexual abuse in their churches just like the priests have been doing in the papacy. Quite frankly, I thought it was common knowledge that Babatist youth learned about the birds and the bees first hand at summer camp. Not necessarily voluntarily, but at the leading of some wayward youth pastors. Then of course there are the music ministers whose disdain for facial hair never got in the way of their beards thus giving them free reign to explore the depths of some singers’ vocal chords. It’s all rather disgusting to me. I simply must rejoice that the Lord has laid bare the truth. Once saved always saved may be a Babatist tenet, but once a pervert always a pervert needs to be addressed as well.