Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Sojourn. Solstice. So Hot!

Aging and aspects of Hell are heavy on my mind this week.

Sojourn. Brothers and Sister, I hope you’ll forgive the absence of this column last week. I was ‎away on a personal sojourn celebrating my birthday. The Lord has granted me another year of ‎abundant life to remain on this earth and spread the Word. I will not reveal my age, as I don’t ‎want to cause anyone to stumble in their journey by prophesying as to the length of time I may or ‎may not have on this earth. Consider me an eternal thorn in your flesh. Glory!‎

Solstice. As we get down to this week’s concerns, why does the news have to report on pagan ‎activities? My wall calendar reminds me each year that June 21 is the first day of summer and ‎the day with the longest amount of sunlight. However, non-Christian heathens celebrate is as the ‎‎“Summer Solstice” and dance around a bunch of rocks in England. We just don’t need to know ‎that. Perhaps that’s why summer is always so hot. Those heretics need to be reminded of the ‎rising temperatures they will surely meet at the gates of Hades! Let us pray.‎

So Hot! Speaking of heat, Americans throughout this country are experiencing a heatwave of epic ‎proportions. With temperatures reaching higher and higher, lives are at risk. I am praying ‎that all will be quenched with living waters and remain cool. But if anyone of you reading this ‎are considering continuing in immorality, I invite you to hop on down here to Texas and get a brief ‎feel of your future home in Hell. In related Christian news, global warming is a hoax.‎