Pull out the prayer pedestals.
Gastric. This is a matter that resonates with me in a personal way. As a woman of a certain age, I have subjected myself to an invasive procedure on several occasions over the past years to ensure good health for my innards. On the advice of doctors, I have drank a concoction which flushes me out like a plumber and then allowed a medical professional to drug me and shove a camera up my nether regions. A violation to which I would never agree randomly. Now comes scientific news that this gastric procedure may not be as effective as previously thought. I really feel violated now. Were these doctors merely getting some perverse pleasure out of this all these years? I can guarantee you this …….. the next time it is suggested that I have another colonoscopy, I’m getting a second opinion! Or at least demanding flowers afterwards.
Garish. I can’t believe I’m about to give this slut any sort of acknowledgment, but here goes. Madonna (too Catholic a name) has always gone above-and-beyond in pushing the moral envelope. Singing about materialism, putting s*x in a book for all to see, encouraging pre-marital pregnancy, and wearing garish lingerie in public. Now, as she ages and attempts to reinvent herself once again, she posts a ridiculous Tic Tac video about perhaps being homosecular. Why must it always be about s*x??? As if enough people haven’t thought she’s Gaga already. Perhaps this is why she’s has had such drastic plastic surgery. If she’s gonna be a Lesbyterian, maybe no one will recognize her in the process.
Gazelle. As I’ve stated many times before, my interest in sports is limited at best. Usually it’s just to comment on the beauty of some of God’s creations on the fields. One such athlete is Brother Tom Brady. I don’t care how handsome God made you, you clearly can be annoying. First, deflating your balls. Second, getting wishy-washy about retirement. Third, using some obscure football foul call because another player got a little too intimate with you on the field. Now, even your wife has had enough and is filing for divorce. Lord knows what personal fouls you have committed with her. Regardless, I’ve always found that these “celebrity-marries-foreign-model” arrangements are covering up something much darker. I wish your wife the best. I feel sorry for her anyway, having to go through life with a name like Gazelle Bundt Cake!