Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Imperial. Impressed. Impaired.

I am proclaiming these thoughts as gospel this week.

Imperial.  I am delayed in my response to the royal shenanigans in London last week.  I needed some time to ponder it all.  I have heard many exclaim that it was too much pomp and circumstance for an ostensibly religious affair.  Clearly, these people have never been involved with a Girls Auxiliary/Girls in Action coronation in a Baptist Church!  The crowns!  The scepters! The toulle!  But I digress.  I arose early to witness the crowning in real time.  It was indeed a bit much.  And I simply revile that woman married to King Charles.  Apparently, “consort” is just another word for “tramp.”  The choir sang pretty, and the gospel singers touched me.  But I have to admit, after the crowns were placed, I just thought the whole thing looked like an overblown Imperial Margarine commercial.  Pass the butter.

Impressed.  I’d like to offer my Christian support to Sister Martha Stewart.  She is currently being hotly debated over her decision to pose as a swimsuit model for “Sports Illustrated” magazine.  At the age of 81, she is now the oldest cover model for this annual edition.  You may ask yourself why I would defend ANY woman baring her body so scantily.  Simply put, as a woman of a certain age myself, I shall borrow a phrase from the sodomites and say, “YOU GO GIRL!”  Sister Martha looks impressively radiant, and it is high time for older women to be valued instead of the parade of bimbos we see on a regular basis.  My only comment is that I would have chosen swimwear with a modesty skirt.  Otherwise, who doesn’t love a big hat??  It’s a good thing.

Impaired.  Brothers and Sisters, every once in a while, I come across a story that just merits a comment.  An item that reminds us that fools walk amongst us.  An article that proves that there are idiots in our midst.  I have been made aware of an incident in the State of Colorado which causes me to smirk in judgment.  A man was pulled over for speeding.  Said man was also drunk.  In an effort to diffuse the situation with law enforcement, this man frantically traded seats in the car with his dog, who had been riding shotgun in the passenger seat.  (Of course, the law enforcement official witnessed this entire debacle.)  Upon exiting the car from the passenger door, the offending driver claimed that he had not been driving.  Let us pray for this poor soul as he reflects on his actions from his jail cell.  And let us rejoice that “the dog does not face any charges and was let go with just a warning.”  Good boy.