Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

Mask Up Your Member This Halloween

It’s hard to believe that in 2023 people are still embarrassed to purchase condoms. Especially anyone requiring extra-large ones. We would demand a price check over the intercom at CVS every time we went to the register if that were the case.

But we digress.

Some people are still shy about their prophylactic purchases, while others simply don’t want to pay for them when they can get their cows milked for free. Whichever camp you fall into, you’re covered (and so’s your perky peckeroo) with the free Nice Package service from Prism Health North Texas.

Launched in 2020, the free condom-and-lube delivery program now includes a monthly subscription (also free), to which you can add dental dams and internal condoms if needed.

But wait, there’s more!

Last week, they announced the addition of rapid at-home HIV tests to the lineup.

  • The Full Package: 1 OraQuick In-Home HIV Test Kit + 1 mini Nice Package
  • The Lone Star: A variety of sizes, features and lubricants 
  • The Big D: A variety of condoms in XL sizes, various features and lubricants
  • The Variety: The biggest package with plenty of sizes, features, and lubricants
  • The Non-Latex: Non-latex options for all of the above.

Add an OraQuick In-Home HIV Test Kit to any of the above packages. It’s a smart and easy way to known your own status while protecting others, too.

With so many surges in STIs, it’s more important than ever to remember to practice safe sex. Because Covid-19 isn’t the only thing out there you can catch from droplets flying willy-nilly around your willy, silly.

If you live in Dallas, Denton, Collin, Ellis, Henderson, Hunt, Kaufman, Rockwall, Cooke, Fannin, Grayson or Navarro Counties, all you have to do is sign up at freenicepackage.com and select one of four different packages, including one that’s latex-free and one that’s loaded with giant schlong sheaths.

We ordered our first kit when Prism Health originally launched the program and we received them about a week later (shipping times vary, of course) and they came in a bright, shiny gold shipping envelope. Not sure if that’s the truest definition of “discreet shipping” but it didn’t say “Loaded with Sex Stuff” either.

If you’re like us, you’ll want to try out your new condoms and lubes as quickly as possible. It’s always good to make sure you always know how to properly use your ween (not to be confused with the poorly thought-out name for JesusWeen).

We were really saddened when the first condom we tried fell right off, fearing a less-than-average size downstairs, but once we realized it was a female condom we felt quite relieved.

Best of all, our nightstand drawer now contains enough condoms to potentially last us for years! (Is it equally sad that the package only contained a dozen?)

Nice Package
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Free condoms, lube and HIV tests delivered to your door