Put Some Gay In Your Day!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club: Baskets, Birthdays & Benchmarks

Even in this holy season, we must remain steadfast in our observations of sin in the world. Join me in this week’s reflections. Baskets: Sodomy and corruption are creeping into […]

The 701 Club: Sheets, Schumer & Shenanigans

Gather ‘round all ye sinners and hear my voice of wisdom in this desert of our world. Sheets: Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, has just suggested a ban on ALL Muslin […]

Planned Parenthood, Patriots & Peanuts

In the midst of a weekend of thankfulness, I have been on my knees about the following things. Join me in prayer, won’t you? Planned Parenthood: As a Christian of […]

The 701 Club: Hello, Handsome & Holiday

My ministry never sleeps. Awaken, ye Sinners, to this week’s blessings and offerings of praise. Hello: I keep hearing about this young woman singer who goes by the name of […]

The 701 Club: Paris, Texas & The World

It has been a week of trials and tribulations. Let us join our hearts as one over these words of comfort and caution from my ministry. Paris: I have been […]

The 701 Club: Carson, Cups & Cents

The Lord is moving in mysterious ways this week. Let us join our hearts in prayer over these selected stories of sin. Carson: The Repugnicant Party is ACHING for an […]

The 701 Club: Babies, Baseball & Bieber

Gather round all ye peoples and read these inspired thoughts on the world around us. Babies: Let us gather in prayer for the Repugnicant candidates for President. After their most […]

The 701 Club: Benghazi, Binging & Boo!

Join me in prayer, Brothers and Sisters, as we reflect on this week in the world. Benghazi: Poor Hillary Clinton. She has been given the amazing power to wad people’s […]

The 701 Club: Debates, Degenerates & Disrobing

I’ve waded through the muck and filth of this week’s news so you don’t have to. Here is my cleansed outlook on all of it. Debates: Lest I be accused […]

The 701 Club: Columbus, Cancer & Coke

It’s been a slow news week, Brothers and Sisters. But, I’m never at a loss for words of comfort and wisdom. May these thoughts be a blessing to you. Columbus: […]