Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.
Let us take to our knees, Brothers and Sister. Besame. Conservative stalwart, Brother Rush Limbaugh, has been getting his fair share of press lately. First, his unfortunate cancer diagnosis. Second, receiving the Medal of Freedom from President Trump. And finally, his recent harangue on the prospect of a sodomite President saying “besame mucho” (that’s Mexican) in public with his potential […]
Lots of Hollywood trash to discuss, so let’s make like the Speaker of the House and tear into it. Vogue. The apex of televised Hollywood excess has now passed with Sunday’s broadcast of the Academy Awards. I have to watch just to take note of specific ills worth a retrospective warning. As always, what passes as glamorous attire amazes me. […]
I am still in prayer about Sunday’s gridiron spectacle, but here’s what the Lord has revealed to me so far. Avocados. I am gobsmacked that companies pay millions of dollars to place 30 seconds of commercial drivel during the football festivities. What a waste. Especially when one reflects on the content of these frivolous displays. Yes, some were touching, some […]
I had to take last week off, but am refreshed to attack today’s news. Music. In my continuing ministry relating to Hollyweird awards programs, I must offer prayerful commentary on the latest display of filth, the Grammy Awards. Let me be up front that I did not view this particular parade of debauchery, so my commentary is informed by reports […]
Let us pray for these earthly and heavenly concerns. Monarchy. Apparently, royal status isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (unless, of course, if one is King of Kings). The ginger offspring of the House of Windsor (I see no ginger DNA), Brother Prince Harry, has decided he doesn’t want to play in the royal sandbox anymore, and has announced […]
Another year, another start, more trash. Let us pray. Hornets. Our fearless leader has shown his swagger and power by ordering the killing of a top Iranian General. I support taking action towards those who harm our citizens. I also support removal of hornet’s nests under my eaves. I just don’t believe that attacking said hornet’s nest like a piñata […]
Brothers and Sister, I have prayed about how the Lord spoke through me this year and feel the need to share with you what I believe to be my Top Ten stories of 2019, in chronological order. I’ll leave to each of your own prayer lives to decide your favorite. Fans. I have long been familiar with the various types […]
Let us broaden our concerns beyond this earthly coil. Sesame. I have always been an advocate for good, clean, educational television. As the years have passed, the availability of such has grown scarce. For 50 years, there has been no better televised accompaniment to my weekly children’s sermon than SESAME STREET. Although the program occasionally drifted in a liberal direction, […]
Pardon my absence last week. But I’m back with a vengeance. Variety. This world continues to amaze and disgust me. I have always known that COSMOPOLITAN magazine was a liberal publication, hell-bent on encouraging the sluttier nature of women. For years, I have been able to turn a blind eye and pray for their wayward readers. You can imagine my […]
Hearken ye to these concerns and crises. Clueless. I’ve seen enough episodes of THE CROWN to know that that big Queen in London likes to keep family issues quiet at any cost. Princess Diana riled things up by being so open to the press and she certainly got the royal cold shoulder over her coffin when she passed. Just makes […]
