Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Wives, Wigs & Weirdos.

Post-Thanksgiving Reflections. Wives.  Our great country has a marvelous history of Presidential wives.  All the way back to Sister Martha Washington through Sister Doctor Jill Biden, these women have stood by their men in leadership and support.  While some First Ladies have endured strife beyond compare, and one has shown the First Breasts, each has left their mark.  As a […]

Social. Speaker. Sin.

These must be end times……….. Social.  Anytime I see the word “gospel” in a headline, I am immediately drawn to it.  I always pray for a renewal of the gospel in our sick land.  So it was a comfort when I saw a story online this week about the resurgence of the “Social Gospel” movement.  At first, I was concerned […]

Water. Winner. Writer.

It has been a week for contemplation.  Won’t you join me? Water.  You may have missed this important news story, so let me offer my Christian commentary.  Sister Brooke Shields, former teen slut, has been on a seemingly healthy hydration diet.  I know that I drink the water of life on a daily basis myself, so good for her.  Apparently, […]

Freaks, Fiestas & Friends.

Let us bind Satan this week. Freaks.  As if the world around us isn’t scary enough, Halloween is the one night of the year when adults encourage their children to disguise themselves as freaks and go door to door asking for handouts.  Clearly a Democrat celebration.  I find the entire affair rather pagan and unchristian.  However, in the Spirit (so […]

Football, Baseball & Hardball.

Let’s pray about balls this week, shall we? Football.  I can’t believe that I’m actually giving Christian commentary on anything sports-related since I am far from that kind of woman.  However, some things merit my attention.  With my ministry being based in the great city of Dallas, I’d have to be deaf and dumb to not be aware of our […]

Price, Purity & Peaches.

Thoughts and Prayers, People. Price.  I always try to remember the saints who pass on when I write this column.  I also have commented on a few sinners’ demise as well, but not this time.  Brother Bob Barker, a staple of wholesome television entertainment, was called home recently, just shy of his 100th birthday.  His early years of hosting the TV […]

Surrender, Students & Sacrifice.

Lord, help Thou my grief over your people. Surrender.  When I think of the State of Georgia, I think gentility, Southern hospitality and lots of Babatists!  Some of the most famous Babatist churches have been in the Atlanta area and have spawned famous preachers.  It just does my heart good to reflect on this rich heritage.  Now, that fine State […]

Laughter. Light. Labor.

Let us pray. Laughter.  Isn’t it interesting how some things from our childhood can give us the gift of laughter?  I often recall fun times in Vacation Bible School as a young person which cause me to smile.  Surprisingly, I often found myself amused by someone who made a career out of acting like a child for the sake of […]

Power, Paxton & Parade.

These are end times.  Literally! Power.  As an evangelical Christian, I keep a close eye on Israel and all that happens there.  I fervently believe that the Lord shall return to Jerusalem on the day that Israel is united.  Knowing full well that the Lord sometimes needs help, Christians are bound and determined to support Israel for purely rapture reasons.  […]

Barbie, Birth & Biden.

I’m busy as a B this week. Barbie.  I’m already sick of the hype over the upcoming BARBIE movie.  I confess to enjoying my Barbie dolls as a child, but this is just unscriptural.  The Bible admonishes us to put away childish things when we are grown.  Now the film industry is asking me to metaphorically pull my dolls out […]