Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.
We beseech Thee, O Lord! Jordan. It is rare that I memorialize a known Buddhist, but it is paramount that I honor a woman who fought for herself against all odds. Sister Anna Mae Bullock passed from this mortal coil behind the walls of her castle in Switzerland last week. I fondly refer to her by her birth name as […]
I am proclaiming these thoughts as gospel this week. Imperial. I am delayed in my response to the royal shenanigans in London last week. I needed some time to ponder it all. I have heard many exclaim that it was too much pomp and circumstance for an ostensibly religious affair. Clearly, these people have never been involved with a Girls […]
Let us ponder these letters. WGA. As I write this column, I realize that I should refrain from doing so, that I may be in solidarity with the writers in Hollywood who have just gone on strike. Yet here you are, reading what I wrote yesterday. I have compassion for these writers who feel that their work is being undervalued. […]
We need the Lord more than ever this week. Pharisees. I pray that all my readers did their American duty and paid their taxes yesterday. This necessary evil funds so many things that keep our country operating. Fine people pay their fair share much as they have for years. I, too, render unto Caesar that which is his. My ministry […]
Personal testimony begins our prayer time this week. Thomas. Alas, I have a direct connection to a current issue in our country. I have ministered to Brother Harlan Crow on several occasions here in Dallas when I have been with the rich and unafflicted. Heretofore, I have had a good Christian relationship with Brother Crow and have brought much healing […]
My prayers are people-centered this week. Let us remember these. Gwen. I watched with mild intrigue the recent trial involving Sister Gwyneth Paltrow. When lawsuits between two rich people colliding while frolicking on the snowy slopes of unaffordable Utah resorts becomes newsworthy, I can only view it as entertainment rather than legal precedent. Years ago, Brother Oral Roberts clipped my […]
I’m on a rampage AGAIN this week. Join me in this justifiable anger. Exposure. Let us turn our eyes to the confluence of art and education. I believe that all children should be exposed to the art of biblically-related subject matter. The painting of the Last Supper, the sculpture of Jesus with his Mama, or any version of a manger […]
I’m on a rampage this week. Join me in this justifiable anger. Drama. I am just bereft, BEREFT I tell you, over recent dramatic revelations at God’s Own Network, Fox News. Precious Brother Tucker Carlson has been revealed to have spoken untruths about his faith in our former President. While looking at all of us in the eye (of the […]
Behold, the Lord is speaking through me about worldly things. Take heed. Roman. As is frequently the case, some things in this world just make me gag. I came upon a headline of unsavory proportions: “Wooden Object Nearly 2,000 Years Old Suggests Romans Used Sex Toys.” Disgusting. What sort of archeological pervert puts forward this assumption? Just because a wooden […]
It’s been a busy few days so far. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Barrels. It is my Christian duty to watch televised awards shows in order to pray more effectively for the filth that is being piped into our homes. Some awards shows are more family-friendly than others, but the bottom of the barrel HAS to be the Grammys. Such […]
