Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Prescription, Press & Perversion

This week’s prayers are a formula for pressing perversion. Prescription. I keep hearing that these is a shortage of baby formula. I truly did not know that there was a prescribed formula solution for making babies. Just add water to the powder? Nonetheless, I say let it continue. The less formula there is to create babies, the less we have to worry about […]

Grand, Gas & Grease.

Lord, hear these supplications. Grand.  This headline caught my eye:  “Prince Charles delivers Queen’s Speech.”  This can be read on so many different levels.  Is Prince Charles a Queen?  Is Prince Charles now a courier delivering messages?  I came to realize that Sister Queen Betty is under the weather and was unable to give her grand speech at the opening […]

Bridge. Brittany. Brief.

Let the women of scripture look down on these concerns. Bridge.  First, let us grieve for Sister Naomi Judd, a fine Christian woman and musician who passed from this earthly life.  While I may never know the circumstances of her journey to Heaven, I have long lifted her up in prayer for her fight with the devil of the mind […]

Fashion, Faces & Fairies.

Oh my! Fashion.  He is Risen!  I am renewed and rejuvenated after celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and ‎‎Savior this past Sunday.  I saw so few familiar faces at church, as the pews were filled with the ‎‎C&E Christians who only attend twice a year.  Moreover, this is also the Sunday when fashions ‎‎turn to more colorful hues and […]

Ginni. General. Jenner.

Offering conservative thoughts this week. Ginni.  I am so grateful for Godly women like Sister Ginni Thomas.  She is so faithful to her husband and his duties on the highest court in the land.  Beyond that, her love for her country knows no bounds.  One might just say that she has no boundaries.  Her recently discovered actions toward a full […]

SCOTUS. Screeching. Scrotum

Disgusting. Just disgusting. SCOTUS. I have been in prayer for Sister Ketanji Brown Jackson. Lately, every person nominated to the Supreme Court has been subject to questioning of biblical proportions before affirmation. KBJ was certainly no exception. However, I would like to recognize her fortitude in the face of some blithering commentary. Proving that we women can handle more thrown […]

Elegance, Eloquence & Elephants.

Oscar was particularly noteworthy this year.  Just a few comments here. Elegance. Clearly, these overpaid celebrities are given a budget for clothing. I mean, all these tarted up women in designer clothes seem to have enough. I really don’t think those gowns come from Target. It’s amazing what a lengthy career will buy you. However, one attendee apparently hasn’t made quite enough money to […]

Windy, Weirdos & War.

The Lord has laid these things on my heart this week. Windy. In another testament to God’s grace, I reflect on an incident during this week’s tornados in Texas. A fellow motorist, shielded from the fury of the winds, captured video of a tornado tossing a red pickup truck in its vortex. Flipped it, rolled it, turned it and put it back […]

Looks, Lindsey & Less

Does anyone ever read this opening line? Looks.  In the midst of this horrible conflict in the Ukraine, I am positively appalled that people are objectifying Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.  The man is standing tall on behalf of his people in the face of a formidable foe.  How is it POSSIBLY important that we care whether a leader is attractive […]

Awards. Ashes. Attorneys.

I have prayed until my knees are flat.  Join me. Awards.  I hear that sag awards were given out in Hollyweird this past weekend.  I don’t get it.  I mean, who wants to win the prize for the worst sag?  As much plastic surgery as I’ve seen on red carpet parades, it must have been hard to pick a winner.  Perhaps […]