Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Crass. Christian. Christo.

I must find ways to lift us all up in these trying days. Crass.  I these days of social distancing, there seem to be as many opinions of how to do so as there are people.  However, I have been made aware of one group’s crass concerns upon which I simply must comment.  Nudists.  Nudists are having to re-think how […]

Prayers, Pews & Pools

My faith is challenged more and more these days. Prayers.  The Lord’s faithful are being tested to great consternation.  I was particularly bereaved by a local mayor/Church of Christ pastor here in Texas whose recent proclamation on prayer tested my restraint of pen and tongue.  When asked if a group of Christian youth could attend and pray at a city […]

Miss, Mammon, Morbid.

Each week, I am given an opportunity to bear witness to current events.  Behold. Miss.  They say that beauty never dies, but that was put to the test this past week with the death of Sister Phyllis George.  As a Texas pageant queen, her wholesome beauty and talent elevated her to Miss America in 1971.  Followed by a career in […]

Donald, Dallas & Duos

Speaking to you from behind a mask which does not prevent wisdom from escaping. Donald.  The crayolavirus response at the House of White has been lacking in its example to the American people.  Our leader believes that he is invincible (Lincoln and Kennedy are on line 1) and therefore needs take no precaution.  Now that the virus has waltzed into […]

Heartfelt. Hornets. Hollywood.

I may have a mask on, but my lips shall still confess! Heartfelt.  Former President George W. Bush issued a video this past week as a panacea for the current American condition.  It was heartfelt, compassionate and comforting.  When our land is being comforted by a heretofore regarded Texas yahoo, I must repeat that we prepare the way of the […]

Lies, Lysol & Lyrics

The L Words. Lies.  The media continues to barrage our President and Vice-President with accusations of lies.  Shame on them!  Why would our elected leaders lie to us?  Alas, after counsel with some members of my church, I had to leave open the possibility that some untruths have been uttered from some leaves on the executive branch.  Rumor has it […]

Enclosures, Environment & Excitement

Reaching out to each of you from the safety of my own home. Enclosures. In our midst, there are those acting as church leaders who are rising up in dissent in order to bring their flocks together in one enclosed space for public displays of holiness, exposing all present to a multitude of oral spray due to self-indulgent spoken prayer.  Let’s […]

Empress. Easter. Elijah.

Let us gather in virtual prayer over these matters. Empress.  God save Betty Windsor.  The royal empress of the UK made one of her revered broadcast remarks this past weekend to address her subjects on the pandemic facing the world.  It was austere, compassionate and reassuring that all will make it through these dark times and beauty will return.  Lucky Brits […]

Stimulus. Stir. Status.

Let us gather in virtual prayer over these matters. Stimulus.  Manna from Heaven!  Our esteemed leader has signed an Act which will send money to any citizen who made less than a certain amount of money over the past couple of years.  While it would be easy for me to decry this as socialism, there are many of the poor […]

Fauci, Films & Flatulence

The latest in inspirational advice and commentary for these unprecedented times. Fauci.  Praise God for the wisdom of Brother Doctor Anthony Fauci.  As head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and as a member of the White House Coronavirus Task Force, Brother Tony has been on the forefront of knowledge, wisdom and advice as we face these […]