Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Pinch, Parade & Push.

I’m practically speechless this week.  Consider these concerns. Pinch.  I have been on my knees for Brother Rudy Giuliani in light of his recent appearance on film showing much effort in trying to keep his attire neat and tidy. I have witnessed my pastor, who has put on the pounds lately, struggle with keeping his shirttail appropriately intact. I am […]

Vanish. Video. Vexing.

Miracles are still happening all around us. Vanish.  I am consistently amazed at the miraculous powers that our esteemed President has been given. He has been prophesying that the Crayola virus would vanish. While his timeline on this action has been iffy at best, his certainty of such vanishing is resolute. The Lord and I have been in fervent conversation […]

Curse. Cracker. Court.

We need some lighter fare this week. Curse.  I came upon a story which I found to be of great interest. Apparently some poor soul from Canada absconded with some artifacts when she was visiting the ruins of Pompeii some years back. She recently felt convicted to send these artifacts back to the archaeologists in that Italian city saying that, […]

Infantile, Infectious & Infuriation.

It’s been a rough week.  And that is NOT debatable. Infantile.  I know it’s been a while since the fiasco, but I need to comment on that first Presidential debate…….which was anything BUT Presidential.  Bless their hearts.  I have a word-a-day calendar and, coincidentally, the word for the day that day was “petulance.”  The Lord moves in mysterious ways, Brothers […]

Taxes. Tapped. Tats.

It’s been a taxing week.  For some more than others. Taxes.  The nation is aflutter over the news that Brother Trump has seemingly woefully under-rendered unto Caesar that which is Caesar’s.  Oh, those mighty income earners.  There are so many tax shelters available to them, whereas the rest of us are laid bare to the taxing elements.  Quite frankly, I’m […]

S**t. Supreme. Switchboard.

2020 is up a creek in a lake of fire. S**t.  The smut awards shows have begun.  As usual, we have to suffer through the self-absorption on the television awards first.  I didn’t watch this year since 2020 has had enough of its own filth.  However, like the rest of you, I have been subject to the after-buzz.  When did […]

Care, Cards & Chris.

Salvation is at hand and we must be awake to these concerns. Care.  I have been canvassing fellow Christians as to their unparalleled devotion to our less than traditional President.  So many have deemed Brother Trump to be the most faith-friendly President in history.  Others marvel at his path from crude sinner to venerated crude sinner.  I wanted to hear […]

Jet, Jigs & Junkets

Let us turn our gaze away from Washington this week. Jets.  Such a fuss at the Los Angeles airport recently.  Two different pilots, while approaching the runway for landing, reported seeing a “man with a jet pack” flying close to their planes.  It truly caused a ruckus with the identity of the jet pack-attired man in question still being unknown.  […]

Pool, Pockets & Protestants

The Lord is moving in mighty ways! Pools.  I am always so proud, as a Christian, when my fellow faith leaders are featured in the news. Brother Jerry Falwell Jr. has truly brought light and attention to his ministry in these recent days. Apparently, desiring to turn his personal swimming pool into a baptismal font for full immersion conversions, he […]

Position. Posing. Poison.

Let me offer a conservative view on America. Position.  Let us circle the prayer wagons for Sister Kelleyanne Conway. The Lord has moved her to leave her position at the White House in order to tend to her family and keep her crypt, uh, home. From what I read about her precious daughter, Sister Conway’s decision to stay at home […]