Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.
I have been rending my clothing this week over these things. Strains. I was really surprised at the lengths that certain PR/Advertising firms would go to promote their services. I am of the opinion that Omnicom is a big enough entity that they don’t have to buy naming rights for a new strain of the Crayolavirus. I mean really……why would […]
Let us pray. Greats. Let us note the passing of another of the greats, yet a non-Christian. Brother Stephen Sondheim left this mortal coil at the age of 91 after a lifetime of words and music bestowed upon the theater. I don’t know exactly where his next life is since only Babatists are assuredly going to heaven, but I trust […]
Heed these brief prayer concerns. Theory. I am mystified at all this discussion about Critical Race Theory and whether it should be taught in school. As far as I’m concerned, children don’t need to be wasting time learning about whether NASCAR or Indy 500 is more critical to racing enthusiasts. And I CERTAINLY don’t want them to be learning about […]
Lord, save us from the crazies! Slugs. One would think that traveling by air would be a holy experience since it is closer to the Heavens. However, lately, air travel has become downright unchristian. I always try to dress appropriately when I fly, but that seems to be passé these days. And now, it seems that high altitudes are causing […]
Stray not from the life of prayer. Consider these concerns. Portrayals. I try not to acknowledge any others gods other than my own Lord and Savior. However, I’m making an exception this week. I learned much about the Egyptian gods during a mission trip to Cairo many years ago. (Camels are very uncomfortable as a means of transportation!) I give […]
What a week of prayer concerns! Debs. From what I understand, Monday was National Coming Out Day. I saw where even Brother President Joe Biden offered official greetings. Let me add my best wishes to debutantes across the land on this auspicious day of presentations. In keeping with the seeming exclusivity of such coming out balls, may your bloodlines be […]
Pray about these burdens with me. Whacko. Christian media is losing an on-air stalwart of faith. Brother Pat Robertson, founder of THE 700 CLUB, is stepping down from his television ministry. Fortunately, the show will continue under the leadership of Brother Pat’s son, Gordon. I will surely miss Brother Pat’s smiling visage, his genial way of presenting complete whacko nonsense, […]
Hear then, O sinners, my calls for prayer. Television. I am clearly out of touch with television these days. A recap of the Emmy Awards proves that. What are these shows? I thought THE CROWN was another Jesus story, like THE ROBE. Then I thought that THE QUEEN’S GAMBIT was about a monarch in Vegas. You mean TED LASSO isn’t […]
Gather at the throne of prayer with me, all ye who read. Sluts. We have had to witness TWO parades of fabric filth fashioned as frocks. The Video Music Awards, which I refuse to watch, gave rise to a bevy of Satanic musicians proudly showing their lack of taste on national television. How do I know? The media makes sure […]
Pray for my home state. I’m already on my knees. Texas. As a Christian and Babatist, I’m so grateful to have my ministry based here in Texas. I can always depend on our state government to err on the side of biblical morality time and again. Err, being the operative word here. Our esteemed Governor, Brother Greg Abbott, has been […]
