Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Mission, Minister & Mindless

From the earth to the heavens, opportunities for prayer are all around us this week. Mission. Fifty years ago this past weekend, our country completed a foreign mission trip which surpassed all others. With the help of many very smart people, and a host of love offerings, a spaceship delivered three men to the surface of the moon. Alas, there was no one […]

Texts, Texas & Technology

There are so many shades of darkness in this world this week. Texts.  In the dark of my bedroom, I prayed for our President last night like any good Christian would do.  In fact, I had a brief text exchange with our Lord and Savior on His holy Twitter account.  The big JC is such a card.  After discussing my […]

Flights, Floods & Flesh

Wisdom inhabits the faithful.  Just not this week. Flights.  I’ve been reflecting on some of my favorite stories in the Bible.  Particularly the stories relating to the birth of our Lord.  I love the part where the three kings presented gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh to the baby.  Let us recount from scripture in Matthew 2:  “. . . […]

Trademarks, Tensions & Touches

I hope you’ll join me in praise for these items. Trademarks. The Supreme Court has ruled on an interesting case. In the event that you missed this, the ruling was in favor of a clothing company called FUCT. Said company had been denied trademark because of a similar pronunciation to the past tense of another word. With the SCOTUS ruling, FUCT is still in […]

Swans, Straights & Sanders

Buckle up, Sinners.  We’ve got some praying to do! Swans. I’m breaking out the black dress again in mourning for another Sister-in-Christ. Sister Gloria Vanderbilt has finally met her reward and the age of 95. Such a long life of suffering, searching for love and hair dye. She was pure proof that wealth is not a guarantee of happiness. She leaves a long line […]

Broadcast, Bradley & Bieber

Nothing but filth from the world of “entertainment” this week. Broadcast.  Did you see the Tony Awards broadcast on Sunday?  Or as I call it, Sodom on Stage?  Good lord.  Only in NYC will they give awards for floor shows masquerading as theater.  And the wardrobe attire!  Brother Billy Porter was dressed as a woman’s reproductive system, replete with a […]

Buckingham. Boris. Bobby.

News and prayers at home and abroad. Buckingham.  God Save the Queen.  Our illustrious leader and the First Harlot are on an official visit to the United Kingdom.  Sister Betty Windsor is, of course, leading the hostess committee.  I so wish I could have been at Buckingham Palace to witness what I believe will have been the strongest display of […]

Benihana, Border & Birkin

Let us fling our prayers far and wide. Benihana.  Our fearless leader has been on a social call in Japan.  Taking origami classes, I’m sure, so that the can sit at home and make his paper tax records into birds which will fly away.  He certainly seemed unaware of all the efforts our Japanese friends made to welcome him in […]

Alabama. Atlanta. Astute.

Just a few things on my heart and prayer list. Alabama. God bless the good people of Alabama. One simply has to be in awe of a state which governs with such morality. Having now passed the most restrictive anti-abortion law in the nation, any pregnant Alabama hussy can be thrown in jail for choosing to end her pregnancy for […]

Tragedy, Tea & Tariffs

Let us mourn.  For celebrities and farmers. Tragedy.  Oh, Brothers and Sister, the tragedy of death has passed our way again in recent days.  One of the last remaining stars of old went on to the great kennel in the beyond.  Singer, actress, ingénue and dog lover, Doris Mary Ann von Kappelhoff has come to the end of her Day.  […]