Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Sedition. Sashay. Salacious.

Lord, hear the cried of your people.  No, not THOSE people. Sedition.  The last week, I have been in my prayer closet so much, my hair smells like mothballs!  Lord, hear us!  Listen, as a Christian, I appreciate passion for a cause more than some do.  So many are dismayed that the man they believe to be “ordained by God” […]

Fashion, Flash & Fraud.

My end of year musings. Fashion.  I don’t normally recognize, with grace, famous sodomites on their passing, but I’m making an exception.  Brother Pierre Cardin left this world after a full 98 years of life.  I honor him for the beauty he bestowed on our world.  I certainly would never have worn anything he designed (I’m far too rigid), but […]

Stars, Skivvies & Stimulus.

Christmas prayers. Stars.  I am sick and tired of all of this fuss this week about the alleged Christmas star.  So Jupiter and Saturn appearing together as one big star. Big deal. Jupiter and Saturn didn’t even exist when Jesus was born. Besides, scripture tells us that one was a star in the east. The one this week was in […]

FLOTUS. Finals. Famous

On your knees, heathens. FLOTUS.  As a woman in ministry with a definitive honorific before my name, I am aghast at a recent WALL STREET JOURNAL opinion piece suggesting that incoming FLOTUS, Dr. Jill Biden, drop the “Dr.” from her name.  After all, she’s not a medical doctor, as the opinion stated.  I’d like to point out that the author, […]

Loeffler. Lobbing. Lullaby.

Tis the Christmas season and I am bringing gifts of ministry. Loeffler.  One of the women in my Sunday School class called me on Sunday evening to suggest that I turn on the TV to catch a bit of the debate between two of the Georgia candidates for U.S. Senator.  I am somewhat familiar with Brother Raphael Warnock due to […]

Walls. Wonders. Women

I’m still giving thanks.  Consider these messages. Walls.  I recently saw a headline stating that presidential advisers say that Trump sees ‘the writing on the wall’ despite what he maintains publicly about the election.  The writing on the wall.  Brothers and Sisters, this phrase comes directly to us from Old Testament scripture, or as the Jews call it, the Bible.  […]

Corruption, Cabinets & Communing.

Let us give thanks for these prayer requests. Corruption.  I was alarmed to see a headline announcing that people over the age of 45 are at a greater risk of sexually transmitted infections. What does this corruption say about our society? Every fine Christian knows that no one has sex at that age. Apparently it is the unwashed and immoral […]

Duck, Dave & Double.

I had to take a week off.  But grateful to be back this week with the following words. Duck.  I don’t know about you, but the last 10 days have been trying, to say the least.  The Lord has blessed us with freedom to cast our votes for our elected leaders.  But after that, processing the votes is almost as […]

Pinch, Parade & Push.

I’m practically speechless this week.  Consider these concerns. Pinch.  I have been on my knees for Brother Rudy Giuliani in light of his recent appearance on film showing much effort in trying to keep his attire neat and tidy. I have witnessed my pastor, who has put on the pounds lately, struggle with keeping his shirttail appropriately intact. I am […]

Vanish. Video. Vexing.

Miracles are still happening all around us. Vanish.  I am consistently amazed at the miraculous powers that our esteemed President has been given. He has been prophesying that the Crayola virus would vanish. While his timeline on this action has been iffy at best, his certainty of such vanishing is resolute. The Lord and I have been in fervent conversation […]