Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Windy, Weirdos & War.

The Lord has laid these things on my heart this week. Windy. In another testament to God’s grace, I reflect on an incident during this week’s tornados in Texas. A fellow motorist, shielded from the fury of the winds, captured video of a tornado tossing a red pickup truck in its vortex. Flipped it, rolled it, turned it and put it back […]

Looks, Lindsey & Less

Does anyone ever read this opening line? Looks.  In the midst of this horrible conflict in the Ukraine, I am positively appalled that people are objectifying Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.  The man is standing tall on behalf of his people in the face of a formidable foe.  How is it POSSIBLY important that we care whether a leader is attractive […]

Awards. Ashes. Attorneys.

I have prayed until my knees are flat.  Join me. Awards.  I hear that sag awards were given out in Hollyweird this past weekend.  I don’t get it.  I mean, who wants to win the prize for the worst sag?  As much plastic surgery as I’ve seen on red carpet parades, it must have been hard to pick a winner.  Perhaps […]

Brands, Bands & Burrows.

My Christian perspective on Sunday evening’s gridiron travesty. Brands.  While sitting at Luby’s having supper, I caught a few commercials during the Bowl of Superiority on the TV.  I find it hard to believe that some companies struggle to pay a living wage while spending millions of dollars for a minute of advertising fame.  Sister Anna Kendrick looked completely cracked […]

Tables, Tramps & Travel.

It’s just a trashy week.  Pray with me. Tables.  This seems to have fallen into the cracks of newsworthy items, but I feel the need to address it.  Former President #45 has a book out entitled “Our Journey Together”. Like other Presidential tomes, this one is in hardback form.  UNLIKE other Presidential tomes, it is a “coffee table” book of […]

Super, Snow & Steed.

I’m on fire for the Lord this week! Super.  It is rare that I get riled up about professional sports, but sometimes it merits my commentary.  Such is the case of the upcoming Bowl of Superiority.  It is my understanding that this is the Easter Sunrise Service of football games.  Dare I say, the Billy Graham Crusade of the gridiron.  […]

Me. Meatloaf. Mean.

Grateful to be back in this literary ministry this week! Me. Brothers and Sisters, please forgive my recent absence from this column.  One week, I was on a high-seas ministry laying hands on the fallen. Apparently, I didn’t bring enough Purell and was stricken with a mild case of the Omnicom Crayolavirus. I am rebounding and prepared to share the Word with you […]

Better, Besotted & Betty.

A new year is before us!  2021 was a rough ride, but let us reflect on the way 2022 is starting. Better.  We have survived another year and, more importantly, another New Year’s Eve.  The night when all hell seems to break loose, and thousands of seemingly moral people lose all control of sobriety.  After which, in an attitude of […]

The Best of 2021

Brothers and Sister, I have prayed about how the Lord spoke through me this year and feel the need to share with you what I believe to be my best stories of 2021, in chronological order by month.  I’ll leave to each of your own prayer lives to decide your favorite. January.  I have read many news stories testifying as […]

Union, Union, Union.

We are approaching the birthday of our Lord.  You should already be on your knees. Union.  The heavens cried out this past weekend as the most recent former President was in my hometown on a mission trip.  Before speaking to his followers in a stadium, he made a personal appearance behind the pulpit of First Baptist Church Dallas.  There he […]