Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

The 701 Club: Solange Knowles, Christmas Rush & Elections

  Solange Knowles: I’ve been in prayer regarding the recent nuptials of Solange Knowles in the decadent city of New Orleans. This child of God was married at the age of 19, already has a child, was divorced, and has now remarried to another man. To say nothing of the “laying on of hands” which she displayed with Reverend Jay-Z […]

The 701 Club: Polar Vortex, The Pope & Interstellar

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Polar Vortex: The Polar Vortex is upon us. Either the Lord Almighty is sending his wrath on a sinful nation OR a certain Disney movie just showed up on the Heavenly Netflix. Let It Go. The Pope: More drama from […]

The 701 Club: Election Day, Gas Prices & Tim Cook

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Election Day: Brothers and Sisters, by the time this written ministry reaches your weary eyes, Election Day will be over. While I am certainly given many divine gifts, prophecy is not one of them. Therefore, as of this writing, only […]

The 701 Club: Halloween, Ten Commandments & Taylor Swift

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Halloween: The dreaded Halloween observance is upon us. Some like to point out this the origins of this filth go back, to the fact that is it celebrated on the eve of All Hallows Day, thus the name, Hallow E’en. […]

The 701 Club: Ebola, American Horror Story & Viagra

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Ebola: With the onslaught of media coverage about that African virus, I haven’t been witness to such mass hysteria since four long-haired hippies from Liverpool landed on the Ed Sullivan Show. Truly, our nation needs prayer. I’ve been to church […]

The 701 Club: Catholics, Columbus Day & The Kardashians

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Catholics: Those pagan Catholics are at it again. The men in skirts over in Italy have convened and decided that perhaps they should “welcome and appreciate” gays. I find it so hard to believe that it has taken them so […]

The 701 Club: Gay Marriage, Dallas Cowboys and Andy Cohen

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Gay Marriage: Lord help us all! Little John Roberts and the Supremes have hiked up their black robes and climbed up on chairs in abject fear of the MOUSE called gay marriage.  Rather than have to take a stand on […]

The 701 Club: George Clooney, Texas State Fair & Chelsea Clinton

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. George Clooney: The secular media is abuzz with the news that Brother George Clooney has wed in Italy. It grieves my heart that Brother Clooney felt the need to go all the way to Italy for his wedding. Surely he […]

The 701 Club: Scotland, ISIS & Apple

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Scotland: I have been in prayer about the recent vote in Scotland on whether or not they would remain as a part of the United Kingdom. Now, CLEARLY, the only Kingdom on my mind is a heavenly one, but I […]

The 701 Club: Gay Pride, Jerry Jones & Miss America

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Gay Pride: I am truly bereft as I reflect on these filthy “pride” events which have been occurring all summer long. Now I must deal with this filth in my hometown of Dallas, as they begin their “pride” week culminating […]