Put Some Gay In Your Day, Dallas!

The 701 Club

Sister Helen Holy of the First Southern Fried, Self-Satisfied Baptist Church is the arbiter of all that’s good and Christian in this world. When not ministering to heathens at events on dry land nationwide, she can frequently be found taking her ministry to the high seas on cruises with VACAYA Vacations, where she spends most of the week on her knees “in prayer.” Be sure to follow Sister Helen Holy on Facebook at www.facebook.com/helen.holy and on Instagram at @sisterhelenholy. Why 701? Well, because she’s just a little bit better than that other Christian newscast.

Royal Births, Women Candidates & Christian Camp

The Lord has revealed immense truths to me this week, my dear readers.  May these words be a blessing to you today. Royal Baby: Brother Billy Windsor and his lovely bride, Kate, have revealed the fruits of their latest royal fornication and have brought into this world a baby girl. What a blessing indeed. And to celebrate the couple’s love […]

Bruce Jenner, Attorney General & Ted Cruz

Children of the ministry! Prepare yourselves for this week’s Christian perspective on the news around us. Be ye armed with the truth…or at least my version of it. Praise! Bruce Jenner: I joyfully recall the halcyon days of patriotism which followed the 1976 Olympics. It was a bicentennial year for this mighty country and the spirit of red white and […]

Pot, Willie Nelson & Lily Pulitzer

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Pot: America is simply going to pot. I was in prayer with a woman from my church, Sister Mary Jane, at our Monday morning prayer vigil on 04/20. We as Christians are high on the hog about the legalization of […]

President for 2016, Tax Day & Alyssa Milano

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. President for 2016: Help me, Lord! It’s only April of 2015, and already the 2016 race for leader of the free world is heating up. More choices to come, I’m sure, but let’s look at our slate so far. A […]

Easter, Robert Schuller & Hillary Clinton

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Easter: He is Risen!  I am renewed and rejuvenated after celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior this past Sunday. I saw so many familiar faces at church, but mostly the C&E Christians who only attend twice a year. […]

Indiana, NSA & Miss Japan

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Indiana: HOOSIER Lord and Savior, people? I wish to recognize the lawmakers of the great State of Indiana for their bold move to pass legislation allowing my fellow Christians to refuse service to any perceived sodomites or lesbyterians on the […]

The 701 Club: Ted Cruz, Aaron Schock & Fifty Shades of Grey

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Ted Cruz: Calling all prayer warriors! We need to circle the prayer wagons in regard to the latest political news. Ted Cruz is running for President. Lord help us. I mean, he’s a Canadian Mexican! If he was running for […]

The 701 Club: Ted Cruz, College Frats & A Penis Transplant

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Ted Cruz: Brother Ted Cruz has made headlines this week for scaring a 3-year old girl. Dear Lord, I KNOW how she feels! In an impassioned speech in New Hampshire, the Texas Senator was using his usual blabbering metaphors about […]

The 701 Club: Ben Carson, Hillary Clinton & Harrison Ford

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Ben Carson: Brother Ben Carson, retired neurosurgeon and 2016 GOP candidate for president has claimed, in all his neuroscience knowledge, that being gay is indeed a choice. And to prove his ever so scientific theory, Brother Ben claimed, and I […]

The 701 Club: Leonard Nimoy, The Dress & CPAC

Our spiritual leader Sister Helen Holy is back again this week to share her good Christian perspective on the news. Leonard Nimoy: Let us mourn the passing of another godly Jew. Brother Leonard Nimoy gained fame and fortune as the other-worldly Vulcan, Dr. Spock, on that sci-fi trash, STAR TREK. As all fans of the show are aware, Dr. Spock’s […]

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